Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Target's Trophy T-Shirt and Why it is a Problem

I don't know about you folks, but my Facebook feed has had quite a few posts about the Trophy women's t-shirt Target is selling. Mostly, the posts have been about people overreacting in regards to the shirt and its sale.

This is a situation where I think the majority of people, including Target's reps,  don't understand fully why this is offensive or problematic. I want to highlight some of the reasons this is an ongoing issue that we all (men included here) should be kind of annoyed with.

You ready? Let's do this.

Target is selling a T-shirt that literally just has the word trophy screened across it. This is a shirt that is sold in women's apparel only but they were... nice(?) enough to make it in plus size as well. This shirt is part of a new BRIDAL collection that includes shirts with far less offensive wording like "Bride", "Mrs.", and "Team Bride." With the exception of some cufflinks and a hat, they do not sell anything labeling a man's wedded status. Neither are gender neutral, which opens a second can of worms. We are expected to define out marriage roles as clearly as we are expected to define our gender roles and appearance.

What these shirts are doing, and Lord knows Target is far from the only retailer that is guilty of this, is furthering the expected social constructs of being a woman and marriage. They are shirts marketed to women who are either getting married, helping plan or are in a wedding, as well as those that want to get married. Sure, they are just garments but when you emblazon them with trigger words like this a lot of different issues come up. Not only are they focusing on the traditionally female role, they focus on the need for a partner/significant other. The words focus on what many women feel is the epitome of their life (other than motherhood): becoming someone's wife - defining themselves and assigning worth based on the validation of others.

Now, let us get to the trophy part, because THAT is the meat of the issue.

What is a trophy bride?
A trophy bride is a truly shitty term for a woman that is often much younger than her rich husband and is considered very attractive. Trophy wives are seen as vapid gold diggers much of the time; women that do little to nothing except look good for their spouses. Not to mention they are sometimes pitted against previous wives (if the husband has any), especially if the previous spouses are older than them. This is a term used to perpetuate the idea that women hate each other and will do anything to cut others down. It also carries the connotation that being a certain level of physically attractive means that you are seen as little more than a pretty object for a man to covet and eventually acquire. Your own accomplishments, intelligence, and needs mean nothing.

But women alone shouldn't be outraged at this term. It also holds awful ideas of the men attached to the term. Having a "trophy wife" often mars the nature in which people look at a man. Many men are seen as narcissistic and driven by a need to impress others with trophy marriages. The idea that these men are only with these women because they have money is also a blow to men - such as you could not possibly be with a person this attractive unless there was some kind of alternative benefit to them. And what if the man in question left is previous marriage for this younger, more attractive woman? SCUM OF THE EARTH, am I right? It doesn't matter if the reasons for their break up, the assumption will always be that he grew too big for his britches and traded up for a newer (hotter) model.

So why the hubbub?
Not only are we selling women shirts that help perpetuate the idea that the pinnacle of their lives is to be defined by their relationship status, we are also marketing them shirts that take this concept and multiply it by a thousand. Simple math:

Society's idea of gender roles + Society's idea of what a woman should be and want * terms that rob women of their value/12.99 for a "regular/straight" sized shirt or 14.99 for plus (sorry, fatties) = DUMB IDEA.

That is the issue. Women shouldn't strive to be someone else's idea of a trophy, especially when that idea is meant to rob them of their own value and hell, life. Women (and men and non-binary folks) should rally around the concept that if you are lucky enough to find someone that gets you, that you can be weird AF (as fuck for you non-internet abbreviation readers) with, and talk about everything or nothing with... The person that lights all of your fires, you have won. They have won. Everyone around you has won because you have unlocked the achievement so many long for: supreme coupledom and epic happiness. You are your own trophy. You are each other's trophies. And if that isn't what you want? Congrats on know what you want in life when so many others are pushed by society into loveless marriages. You are your own trophy too, boo.

Maybe we should all buy them and modify them to say #takingbackTROPHY. Let's start an Insta fire with this. To the tumblr and twitter with this.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Holy Shit, Views! News!

Wow. I posted the last blog on Facebook and my Tumblr (waiting to hear back on a community Tumblr as well). My views have skyrocketed. I mean, I average like... 5 views maybe if I don't post it and with this round, it was almost 200. Which, truth be told, makes me feel like a Z-List celebrity (it is far more exhilarating than it sounds).


THIS also happened:
If it had been reblogged, I would have gone into cardiac arrest.
 
So, what have I been doing since posting - ya know, other than checking page hits? I have contacted xojane, an online magazine regarding reworking the post as well as another post into articles for their site.
 
The Husband has also suggested I reformat the now deceased (and sadly so) mini course I taught for the volunteer program I work with into posts. My course dealt with how women are viewed in media, whether it be the focus on their body and what is on it, or the size, or even the way a face is made up. It also covered how toys and cartoon characters are being marketed in a more adult manner.
 
 
I don't want the entire blog to be me ranting about issues. I would like to keep it as diverse as it has been, however I think I will focus a bit more on social issues as it seems to get the best response.

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Tess Holliday, Fat Backlash, and Why I am Afraid

For those of you who do not know: Tess Holliday is a beautiful, majestic creature that we mere mortals are not worthy of.


 
For those of you who still do not know: Tess Holliday is a size 22 model who recently was on the cover of people magazine. THE COVER. She has also done Vogue Italia. And did a look book for Torrid. This is a big (ba dum tssss) (see what I did there?) deal.

               
    People on the left, Vogue Italia on the right. MAJECTIC CREATURE AMIRITE?!?!?!
This lady has brought plus-size to the plus-size modeling game. Traditionally, plus-size models were in the size 10-12 range. In my brain, anything over a 16 is plus-size as that is where you typically stop finding availability in stores. A lot of plus-sized retailers are pushing their size brackets further down - Torrid now starting at 12 and Lane Bryant at 14 for example. While I would love to argue what actually *is* plus, that is not for today.

With Tess' media visibility, we have a new plus-size icon. One that models plus-size cloths on a plus-size body. I truly mean no offense to the models in the 10-12 range that model the smaller end of plus-size clothes. Keep on, keepin' on. Y'all are beautiful.  It is just nice to see what an item would look like on a body similar to mine. It's humbling, inspiring, refreshing, and a little bit revolutionary. Something that had myself and many of my fat peers had access to growing up could have helped with body dysmorphia, self esteem, and a lot of other issues in a major way.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where making fun of or criticizing fat people (and yes, it is ok to say fat. I promise.) is still considered funny, valid, and completely acceptable. It is one of the last bastions assholes can hold on to and not get called out for when expressing their opinions. A sub-cockle of the internet where perceived anonymity and distance fuels self-righteous indignation that someone dare to be different than their perceived norm.

I understand fat people are not the only ones attacked online or in real life for their appearance. What I am saying is that it is still considered acceptable to do it. THAT is the problem.

Having someone like Tess, who is fearlessly and unapologetically herself, is something we (please understand this we as the fat folks of the universe) desperately need. People need to see those that mirror themselves in a positive light from an early age. We need role models of all shapes, sizes, races, religions, sexualities, genders - You name it, we (this time, I mean all of us, not just my fat folks) need it. But more than anything, we need role models that look like us. Strong people, trail blazing for those to follow.

Recently, the crop top has been a heated debate. Fearless fat babe and feminist Virgie Tovar wrote a Buzzfeed article about fat people in crop tops. Regardless of size, we shouldn't police women's bodies. Clothing is an expression of self and should not be mocked or ridiculed. Tess posted a totally adorable photo set of her in a crop top. The backlash on both Virgie's article and Tess' photo as well as anything that is close to fat-positive is met with so much vitriol it is nauseating to read. And I always read the comments. Because I am a glutton for punishment and terrific at making myself feel bad. Here is a tame example of the shit slinging people do:

Tess in all her adorable glory.
                      

Sadly, this truly is tame when it comes to the backlash fat people get for posting pictures on the internet. Especially if they look like they are enjoying themselves or consuming food/beverage. Even if as a fat person you live a healthy lifestyle, eat well/balanced, exercise, and/or have a great bill of health from your doctor people assume the worst and lecture you for your choices. And health is always the reason they do it. Looking out for your health, because you are promoting an unhealthy lifestyle, possible health issues in the future, etc. No one looks at the socio-economic ties. Or that some medications and conditions make you gain weight rapidly and make it almost impossible to lose said weight (look! a health reason that is legit!). While they may only be words, when younger people read these comments the linger effect can be devastating. Shit, it can be devastating to anyone...myself included.

Reading the comments, for me, is always a terrible idea. The negativity is consuming and crushing. Growing up fat without role models in the media was tough. I didn't feel right or normal or that I had worth. As an adult I still grapple with that daily. I may understand they are only words and opinions of people I will most likely never meet, the knowledge that this is how people could potentially feel about me breaks my spirit. I used to like the beach. I spent almost every day of the summer there or quite a few years. Now? Twice a year tops: the Fourth of July and our nephews' family birthday party. Why? Because I am fat. People don't want to see fat people at the beach.

To fear being in public at a place that was once a source of joy is the worst kind of mindfuck you can ask for. When a place of atonement (and one that made me feel connected to my family and roots) becomes a place of fear and anxiety, you lose a sacred thing. You lose a part of yourself and with that a great deal of dignity. For me, it doesn't end at the beach. It has carried over into most aspects of my life. The idea of being considered repulsive does not motivate me to lose weight. It makes me retreat into the darkest corners of my mind where I point everything wrong with me and let the weight (I did it again! ba dum tsss) of other people's opinions crush me.

If you have followed this blog, you may say "hold up, MPA. Aren't you in Rocky Horror? Don't you run around in very little in front of an audience?" Yes, I do. I play two of the less dressed roles (Janet and Dr. Frank-N-Furter) as well as one of the most covered (Magenta). I freak out about it before every show, right up until I am on stage. And then sometimes for the whole show. But I do it. As weird as Rocky Horror is, the community is often welcoming and hold the core belief of "Don't Dream it, Be it." I am still paralyzed with fright that I am too fat or ugly or terrible or repulsive to go out there. I push myself to help reclaim parts of my dignity and pride.
 
                                                       
Me, doing the thing. Trying to be brave. Hilariously blocking out my cast mates' faces

So, why am I talking about this? I wanted to cosplay The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl for Boston Comic Con. I was so down for this. But I read the comments. I let people's issues and negativity get the best of me. I retreated, allowing myself to be swallowed up in the storm of my own darkness and decided maybe it isn't the best choice. Even though she has on leggings/tights, she is still wearing a bathing suit. I know I could pull it off - For Christ's sake, I prance around in a corset on stage for 2 hours after a small breakdown...I got this - but my infantile confidence falters when I realize there will be pictures. And not ones I have consented to. I may become a punching bag for the internet and I just don't know if I am strong enough to handle that. I shouldn't have to fear this. No one should, yet this is the reality of being fat (and a woman) in our world.

Perhaps we need to sit back and really think about why we feel we can comment so negatively on others when we know nothing about them. Perhaps we need to think about how our actions and words, written or spoken, effect those they are aimed at as well as those reading or listening.

Until then, I am going to continue trying to be (unapologetically) my authentic self. And try to live by some of Tess' words:



Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Cable is a Beautiful Thing

**Author's note: BAHAHAHAHAHA. I started this and never finished it. It has been sitting in my drafts since APRIL. So terribly sorry. I have spruced it up for you with some updated choices. -MPA**

The Husband and I have spent the majority of our relationship without cable. When we moved in November, we decided to take the plunge. it has been a beautiful, magical thing. I am a Food Network junkie and am so excited to be able to watch it again. But I have discovered some new shows as well as some old favorites.

If you are looking for a new show, I suggest:

If you like reality tv contests- RuPaul's Drag Race on Logo. We are about halfway through season 7 and it's fabulous. I started watching around season 2 and then stopped for a bit due to not having the channel. I have been glued to it since Season 5, watching online until now. It is funny, sometimes moving, and full of drag queens prettier than I could ever dream of being. It is now my goal to die and be reincarnated as a drag queen. **The season is over and it was beautiful. Katya is perfection. I highly suggest catching up on this. AND they are re-airing season 4 starting sometime this month. Season 4 is HILARIOUS.**  I am also partial to The Next Food Network Star, a show I hope to one day be on and CRUSH IT.

If you like comedy and/or crime shows- Backstrom on Fox. This series follows a special crimes unit in Portland that is lead by Lt. Backstrom. Based off a series of Swedish crime novels, the titular character is played by Rainn Wilson who marries the comedy with the dramatic so well. It is as if his character on The Office was raised by an asshole cop and became an ...slightly less asshole cop, but HILARIOUS. **This season is over and I am sorry to have to tell you all that it is not being renewed. If you can find it online to watch, DOOOO IT. Alternative? GET THE BOOKS.**

Prefer really AWFUL humor, I mean like walking the line of unacceptable in all social circles? Another Period on Comedy Central is for you. The first episode aired 6/23 and let's just say it included: Meredith from the office, Riki Lindhome, David Koechner, Christina Hendricks... Someone playing Helen Keller and copious amounts of cocaine wine. Not sold? it takes place in Newport, RI in 1902 and follows a wealthy family and all of the insanity that comes with climbing social ladders. The set and costumes are period specific but the music is hip hop. Give it a try. Be horrified, amused, and ashamed to have watched it... Not necessarily in that order.

Pinterest Diaries: Pizza-dilla

The Husband and I are quesadilla people. There was a time when we had them once a week. We have even had a dinner party that involved a quesadilla bar. They are fast, easy, tasty, and cheap. Who can argue with that?!? For me.. Well, for us, they just make sense as I almost always have all of the ingredients on hand. Quesadillas in our house are a dinner that relies on pantry staples.

My normal quesadilla is built like this: tortilla, layer of refried beans - preferably Trader Joe's salsa style, layer of shredded cheese, corn (canned corn that has been drained or frozen that I heat with a bit of butter and the Holy Trinity - salt, pepper, garlic powder [Hallelujah - praise be their grains]), green onion or if I don't have any -which is almost a criminal level offense- I will use a can of green chiles, some more cheese because cheese = life, and a top tortilla. I heat them in a skillet making sure everything is melted and warm, flipping to brown both side. I cut it with a pizza cutter and top with sour cream, guac or sliced avocado, and salsa OR if my saintly in-laws have recently come back from Florida some deliciously spicy BBQ sauce. It normally looks like this:
 
 
I decided to get cray and make PIZZA-DILLAS. I saw it on Pinterest and thought that it would be a tasty alternative to a regular quesadilla. The pin called for wheat tortillas that are folded in half. I know me and I know The Husband. A full tortilla was going to be made instead of a halved one. It also had a can of sliced mushrooms and a can of sliced black olives as well as pepperoni, cheese, sauce, thinly sliced onion, and thinly sliced green bell pepper. A layer of cheese then the toppings except the sauce, which was solely for dip-dips. Browned on both sides and cut to perfection.
 
So, naturally (and not surprising if you have read any recipe I have put up here), I went rogue. I held off on the veg to cement the concept for The Husband and to save on money. Here is how it went:
 
Ingredients
  • flour tortillas (one day I will remember to get GF!) $3
  • a jar of pizza Sauce $2
  • shredded mozzarella $3.50
  • sliced pepperoni $4
  • parmesan cheese - the kind in the shakey thing (had on hand)
  • garlic powder (had on hand)
 
Total spent: $12.50. It could have been less (by approx. $3-4) if I had shopped somewhere else but I <3 Trader Joe's, so #YOLO. This yields 4 quesadillas if you use my method, or 8 if you use the method the recipe suggests. My method equals ~$3.12 per quesadilla, theirs ~$1.56 . Either way, still not bad. and you can certainly repurpose tortillas not used and cheese for other meals during the week.
 
 
So let's get to the part we all care about: FOOD PORN.
 
First, I spread a few large spoonful's of the pizza sauce on one tortilla then sprinkled some garlic powder on it.
 Not that anyone can tell the delicious grains of garlic-y groodness are there.
 
Next, I added some of that shakey parmesan salty perfection.
 
Awwwwww, Yesssssss
 
Next, a large paw-ful  of cheese.
Pro-tip: clean up the edges of renegade shreds to prevent it flying out during the dilla-flip.
 
Following the cheesening, top with pepperoni (and veggies or other delicious pizza toppings. GO ROGUE IN THE KITCHEN.)
Coverage is important.
 
Now, more cheese but less than before. Just enough to make a cheese seal.
 
Laying the top tortilla in your hand, spread some more sauce and sprinkle again with garlic powder and parmesan.
Please note this is before the parmesan was added.
 
Slap the top on so the sauce meets the cheese. Move to a frying plan on medium low heat. Let one side cook until browned and about half or so of the cheese is melted.
Mmmmmm, Brown food is delicious.
 
Gently flip the dilla and do the same on the other side. I like to peek by lifting the top tortilla up to see the progress. Watch out! It gets hot in there.

Almost ready for OM NOM NOMs
 
Once out of the pan, I cut it into fourths with a pizza cutter and then BOOM! Dinner is ready. Drop the mic and get ready for your family, partner, friends, EVERYONE to love you just a smidge more.
 
I will definitely do this again, and I will definitely add vegetation to the mix. 










And Then I Disappeared

Apologies to the few of you out there reading. Life got a little overwhelming and I needed to retreat. My volunteer week (and the two months of prep) went well. I have been a walking ball of stress between that, work, life, and everything else but overall not too bad.

I have been spending a lot of time thinking about how I want to use this platform. I like the idea of a potpourri-style blog. A little bit of everything. It feels more organic that way. I have also been debating starting a cooking vlog on YouTube. I do have concerns over the incredible amount of fat shaming and vitriol I am opening myself up to by doing it. It is on the back burner for now, with the idea of starting an on-line literary magazine/site--Something I have been toying with since I took a course that worked in a literary journal some years back.

Who knows? Maybe some big things are on the horizon.

One of my FAVORITE Feminist bloggers has started this brill girl gang called Fat Pals where you sign up and are given a pal (or more if you chose) that you can talk to, encourage/get encouragement from, to be there with some positivity when us fatties are drowning in the negativity. I am super amped about it. If you are interested, send me an email and I would be happy to give you the link to sign up!

Today is a two-for. I will be posting a quick and relatively cheap dinner tutorial following this!