Letter to Santa (Blogmas #2)

Dear Santa,

Hey, Bruh. Hope you have had some time to relax and warm up before the workshop was back up for the year. I know I seem a bit old to write you but I have some concerns about the way you do business.

You see us when we’re sleeping. You know when we’re awake. - I have watched a LOT of police procedurals and serial killer shows. I see the signs. This behavior is stalking, Mr. Claus, and frankly it is not cool. How do you keep up this surveillance? Do you have a dedicated elf team for this? Are they paid a living wage? Do they get benefits? An employee stock option? Is there a retirement plan, 401K with a company match, or a pension plan for these pointy eared lackeys? How do they surveil? What happens to my footage? Do you sell my information to SPAM email or robo-call companies? Have you looked into selling this technology to the government? How do I get my grubby sausage hands on shares?

You know if we’ve been bad or good. - What is your criteria? Is there a general rubric or is there one based on culture? Or individual child? Do the same people grade my behavior every year? Is it anonymous to the grader? How am I guaranteed an unbiased, fair score? When is the list finalized? Can I be one one list for most of the year and then switch because of one deed? How often is behavior reviewed? Is it a highlight/lowlight reel of the year? What about those that are neither good nor bad? Is there a mediocre list? Do they get gifts?

You kiss our moms and let them tickle you under the mistletoe. If you know when we’re sleeping and when we’re awake, wouldn’t you know we were creepin’ down the stairs and watching this madness? This is NOT the way we want to find out if your parents were swingers or had an open relationship. What’s in my stocking? “Merry Christmas, kiddo, here’s an ancestry kit. Let’s see if you are native North Polian?”

Have you updated your lists to include all genders? It is 2017, Sir. I suggest you get on it.

What are your policies for working animals? What is their housing situation?

Why did you let all the other reindeer be so mean to Rudolph? Y’all saw the light when you were in need though. (see what I did there? PUN CENTRAL)

Do you hold town hall meetings to address these issues? Can you send me the minutes that pertain to my concerns?

While you’re at it, and if there is room on your sleigh, I would like:

*A Corgi

*A new phone, preferably an iPhone

*A 1968 or 1969 Chevy Nova, in olive green. Teal, purple or black are also acceptable.

*Tahitian black pearl stud earrings

*A house with an ocean view but far enough that I don’t have to worry about beach goer’s stealing my parking or tsunamis.

*If all out of ocean view homes, a farm is also a-ok with me. 2 cows, 2 goats, 2 sheep, 1 large orange barn cat, and mad veggies growing, please.

*Some Cinderella and Snow White vibes. I want the forest critters to be my friends. And help me clean. And do my hair.

*A food truck. Either one for desserts (no name chosen) or Hawaiian food (Everyone Gets Lei’d)

*All the tattoos I want but without the money or pain

*The ability to sing without making the ears of those around me bleed

*To be independently wealthy

*World peace

Sincerely,

MPA

Here's to 2016

I took a lot of time off of writing here and I apologize for that. It was not for lack of desire but more for lack of feeling.

When the winter hits and the holidays start, stress bogs me down causing my depression and anxiety to kick into high gear. If you are plagued with either (or both) you understand how crippling it can be. If you are not familiar with them/how they work in tandem the best way to explain it is this:

I hope you all made it through the holiday season happy and healthy and ready to tackle 2016. Tackling 2016 is what I am here to talk about today.

2015 was a year that brought me closer to friends, got me productively talking about books in a book club (which brought me back to some high school friends), I got to go back to Disney - if only for a day, I wrote more here, and tried pitching some articles for online magazines. I was not good at staying gluten free or being good to myself in general. I didn’t make any real resolutions (I find them too easy to discard) and did not for this year either. What I do have, is a letter to 2016 - a manifestation of what I want to do and who I want to be in the new year.

To The Fates, or really any deity of time and fate and destiny:

Thank you for another year, another chance to wander this Earth and learn from my surroundings. While that is gift enough, I would like to impose on your generosity a bit more as we head into this new year. I want to see myself grow both in my writing and in my confidence, to take care of myself better as well as those around me, and to channel anger/disappointment/frustration/stress in ways that make me feel less like a walking personification of The Morrigan. I strive to become as fearless as those around me believe I am. May I focus on things that make me truly happy like baking, cooking, candy-making, and seeing friends instead of tunneling in on the negative. I would like to learn how to relax more, even if that just means more baths (with or without bath bombs - which are amazing, btw.) and wine and laughing. Should I find the confidence to do so, I hope this year will bring me the opportunity to start the YouTube channel for this blog as well as the opportunity to pitch more articles (and hopefully have something accepted!). I ask for your intervention when I need to remember to breathe, to slow down, to stop and enjoy what is right in front of me instead of missing the small things. Most of all, I hope this year will help me continue to be amazed and humbled by the support of those around me, that The Husband continues to have the patience of a saint when dealing with me, and that I continue to learn how to love fearlessly. And another trip to Disney wouldn’t hurt either.

-MPA  

My biggest hope outside of myself is that Trump isn't elected. Well, that and that feminism stops being treated like a dirty word - that people start to understand what it means for women as well as men.

What are your goals for 2016? Comment below to share your letter to 2016 and inspire others as we forge our paths in the new year.