Dreams. The Goal Kind.

If you have followed this blog for sometime or gone through the past posts, you know this isn't my favorite time of year. And by time of year I mean quite specifically my birthday. It is a time that reminds me of spending time with my father in San Diego and the last time I felt really connected to that side of my family. This will also be the first birthday without my Grandmother who has never failed to call me to sing Happy Birthday to me. I spend this time scrutinizing every decision I have made and if in the last year I have done anything other than being a colossal waste of precious oxygen. 

My Womb Evacuation Day, or rather the day I was cut out so I didn't have a cucumber-shaped head, is a day I chose to fly under the radar. One that I pretend is a normal day to avoid as much fuss as possible. It is possibly the least Leo thing about me.

This year, we're hitting the big 33. And while I thought of some kind of Jesus/stations of the cross bar crawl (...sorry, Mom), I don't drink nor do I like anyone enough when they are drunk to do that. Instead, I am trying to embrace this renewed drive to write here. To capitalize on this motivation and do...something. 

I have mentioned briefly in the past, if not on here than to a few people IRL, that I want to start a literary magazine. I took a course in college where we spent a semester doing small writing projects before going through submissions for the school's literary magazine and to curate that issue. It was by far one of the best courses I took and it opened me up to the idea of publishing in general. Now without a degree, a job in publishing isn't really achievable. But you know what? That is ok because the more I think about it the more the concept grows.

Could it go from small, primitive (I think indie is too generous at this stage) pdf booklets to published in paper that is of the most spectacular quality and weight and finish - sorry guys, I REALLY like paper - and maybe even sold in bookstores?

Could it go from small and primitive to a huge online presence that evolves into a community like XO Jane, Bitch Media, or Bust?

Is it possible to create this from nothing? Is it possible for me to create this from nothing?

I don't know but for once I don't think it would hurt to try. 
And isn't that the miracle of aging? Getting to a point where you throw caution to the wind and embrace what could be so you aren't left with another what if?

Is 33 the time to leap?

Birthday! And What I Learned While Being 28

The Husband knew exactly what I needed for my birthday. Just us, on an adventure, shopping, and dinner. Whattaguy!

We went to Kittery, Maine to the outlets for some much needed bra shopping. Then we went to Newington, New Hampshire to the Fox Run Mall. There are two things here that I love more than anything: Torrid and a candy store that has the BEST CARAMEL APPLES on Earth.

The candy store stopped selling these delicious, godsent apples during the summer. I literally cried the fattest tears of my life when we found this out. Y U NO HAVE MY APPLES???? Its the ONE THING I was truly looking forward too, ya know, other than hanging with The Husband. I was ready to take a picture of its majesty and posting it all over the internet. Instead, I was devastated by not having a sugary apple. What has my life become?!?!

I’ll tell you. It has become skull print and I couldn’t be happier. I got a skull print cardi, a skull print sweater, and shorts with skulls, knives, 13s, and generally spooky shit on them. Not a bad haul. Thank the lawwwwd that Torrid caters to spooky loving fatties!

But before the skull bonanza, The Husband recovered the day by purchasing me my very own dinglehopper! I immediately became sad that I chopped all my hair off and am far less mermaid/manatee like now. But I have a dinglehopper! Of my very own!

DINGLEHOPPER!

Dinner was at the British Beer Company which was quite delicious. I suggest the steak and ale pie with bubble and squeak potatoes. And duck confit egg rolls!!! Nom! But seriously, bubble and squeak potatoes are the best mashed potato dish I have ever had. What is this weirdly named dish I praise so high? Take some mashed potates, add cabbage and chopped meat (they use bacon), and fry. Boom! Life changed. Don’t worry, I am sure I will make this soon and post the tasty results.

 

Almost Birthday

Tomorrow marks a whole 29 years of me crawling/walking/stumbling around the Earth.

I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE celebrating my birthday. I have actually had consistently terrible birthdays since my teens with a few decent ones peppered in to get my hopes up. This is something I have made peace with and I generally try to spend my day holed up, avoiding contact with the outside world.

 

Facebook is the beign of my existence that day. I appreciate that the FB lets everyone know when your birthday is in case they didn't know/forgot/whatev. Given the fact that most of us store everything electronically instead of taking the time to commit things to memory (phone numbers, birthdays, events, etc), it makes sense to gently nudge ourselves with information we may not recall easily. Good on ya, FB. A fair ammount of people I am friends with on the site are not people I see often but still enjoy being in contact with. A smaller margin is family and friends or coworkers I see on teh regular. A slightly higher percent are people I added in the area when I was working for a local business and trying to expand our customer base. I never unfriended them. I thought it was rude. Some of these people I knew from highschool and don't even like (I was commited to getting more foot traffic. What can I say? I am a loyal employee.).

 

For some reason, people that have never liked you (and vice versa) or don't actually know you feel compelled to wish you a happy birthday because it is popped up on the side bar. As well as people who legitimately only speak to you once a year, when they wish you a happy birthday on facebook. My phone blows up with alerts. Its overwhelming, slightly touching, and weird all at the same time. I suppose it is similar to when you are talking to someone you just met and realize a life event just happened and you congratulate them/wish them well or what have you. You have no connection but it is the social norm to do so. No one wants to look like that asshole who avoids this construct in our culture.

 

It's nice that in our busy world, we stop to wish these people in our lives-however peripherally-a happy day. It's some faith in humanity restored. Unless they are someone you have known issues with. Then I think it looks like a bit of one-uppsmanship.

 

I plan on laying a little low. Getting some lunch and then going shopping with The Husband. Nothing overwhelming, aside from the influx of wall posts.

 

There is a wee tradition at work where the day closest to or day of your birthday (at least on my side of the office) where your desk gets decorated. Since I am not in tomorrow, I got decorated today. Last year was filled with epic hand made signs and drawings of Hello Kitty and Pinke Pie (adorbs!). This year is just as nice. Thanks, co-workers! Its just enough celebration for me :)

 

 

So many drinks at my desk 

 

 

Here's to cute clothes, tasty food, and most people I know being at Boston Comic Con-hopefully too busy to drain my phone of all of it's battery. :)