Dreams. The Goal Kind.

If you have followed this blog for sometime or gone through the past posts, you know this isn't my favorite time of year. And by time of year I mean quite specifically my birthday. It is a time that reminds me of spending time with my father in San Diego and the last time I felt really connected to that side of my family. This will also be the first birthday without my Grandmother who has never failed to call me to sing Happy Birthday to me. I spend this time scrutinizing every decision I have made and if in the last year I have done anything other than being a colossal waste of precious oxygen. 

My Womb Evacuation Day, or rather the day I was cut out so I didn't have a cucumber-shaped head, is a day I chose to fly under the radar. One that I pretend is a normal day to avoid as much fuss as possible. It is possibly the least Leo thing about me.

This year, we're hitting the big 33. And while I thought of some kind of Jesus/stations of the cross bar crawl (...sorry, Mom), I don't drink nor do I like anyone enough when they are drunk to do that. Instead, I am trying to embrace this renewed drive to write here. To capitalize on this motivation and do...something. 

I have mentioned briefly in the past, if not on here than to a few people IRL, that I want to start a literary magazine. I took a course in college where we spent a semester doing small writing projects before going through submissions for the school's literary magazine and to curate that issue. It was by far one of the best courses I took and it opened me up to the idea of publishing in general. Now without a degree, a job in publishing isn't really achievable. But you know what? That is ok because the more I think about it the more the concept grows.

Could it go from small, primitive (I think indie is too generous at this stage) pdf booklets to published in paper that is of the most spectacular quality and weight and finish - sorry guys, I REALLY like paper - and maybe even sold in bookstores?

Could it go from small and primitive to a huge online presence that evolves into a community like XO Jane, Bitch Media, or Bust?

Is it possible to create this from nothing? Is it possible for me to create this from nothing?

I don't know but for once I don't think it would hurt to try. 
And isn't that the miracle of aging? Getting to a point where you throw caution to the wind and embrace what could be so you aren't left with another what if?

Is 33 the time to leap?

And Then I Disappeared

Apologies to the few of you out there reading. Life got a little overwhelming and I needed to retreat. My volunteer week (and the two months of prep) went well. I have been a walking ball of stress between that, work, life, and everything else but overall not too bad.

I have been spending a lot of time thinking about how I want to use this platform. I like the idea of a potpourri-style blog. A little bit of everything. It feels more organic that way. I have also been debating starting a cooking vlog on YouTube. I do have concerns over the incredible amount of fat shaming and vitriol I am opening myself up to by doing it. It is on the back burner for now, with the idea of starting an on-line literary magazine/site--Something I have been toying with since I took a course that worked in a literary journal some years back.

Who knows? Maybe some big things are on the horizon.

One of my FAVORITE Feminist bloggers has started this brill girl gang called Fat Pals where you sign up and are given a pal (or more if you chose) that you can talk to, encourage/get encouragement from, to be there with some positivity when us fatties are drowning in the negativity. I am super amped about it. If you are interested, send me an email and I would be happy to give you the link to sign up!

Today is a two-for. I will be posting a quick and relatively cheap dinner tutorial following this!