This week I am getting over an awful chest cold that rendered me pretty useless. Tonight I make my "triumphant" return to kitchen witchery, whipping up some veggies and kielbasa which will be served over fries, as tacos, or as tostadas. I haven't quite figured it out yet. **UPDATE 5/1/14: None of the above. I made kielbasa, onion, mushroom, and pepper (bell and poblano) NACHOS. So wrong but so damn right... But I made my own tortilla chips so that counts, right?!?! Apparently my new fall back is FUCK IT! MAKE NACHOS!**
Other than that, I have returned to my meatless lunches and overall am feeling a little bit better. I am doing a daily yogurt (right now Chobani flips since they were on sale and are SO FLIPPING DELICIOUS [did you see what I did there?]!) for a snack at work. And eating a cucumber every day with a little bit of Kalamata Olive Hummus. Today I also rocked a Trader Joes Pizza Veggieburger. Lots of water and some seltzer. Minimal caffeine (like one caffinated beverage a day). Maybe a few sips of The Husband's full flavored soda. And some chips, because...chips.
Let's discuss the hummus and veggieburgers, shall we?
This kalamata olive hummus... I don't know how I feel. This is less Trader Joe's fault and more my forgetting that in the world of olives, kalamata is not my favorite. And there are some pieces of olive and pit in the hummus. Not terribly off-putting but I am hella nervous I'm going to crack a tooth on a piece of pit while at work. If you dig the kalamata and hummus and don't care about the possibility of needing dental work this is the hummus for you. Flavor is very olive-y/brine-y. Nice with cukes.
So, I know these veggieburgers are going to make me sick. I knew purchasing them they were not gluten free. But Pizza? In a veggieburger? What sorcery is this? Delicious sorcery, that's what it is. They are super tasty. I cooked them a little long so the edges were a little tough but nbd. That's my fault. Not too heavy on the basil (thanks the laaawwwwd), or cheese, or sauce. Or in not crazy speak: well balanced. My only ish? They are a little greasey.
Looking forward to continuing this habit. Maybe adding my smoothies back in too.
I realized, going through my phone that I have a bunch of food porn pictures. Maybe some more tutorials soon?
Showing posts with label fighting food. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fighting food. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Monday, April 21, 2014
Fighting Food
I made a list around New Year's, aside from my TBT, of goals for the year. There is a little overlap but I decided instead of resolutions (which I inevitably break within a week) I would list out somethings to work on:
Food has always been my drug of choice and probably always will be. For me, nothing beats a terrible day like tearing into some food. I am not discerning either. While I am no Anthony Bourdain, there is little I will say no to. Stuffing myself to uphoria was the easiest way to cope in a world I felt I had little control over. Now, as an adult, I get to deal with the aftermath.
The Husband and I decided to start eating healthier. It certainly helped that I had been eating less gluten. The cutting out of breads and traditional pasta made the jump to healthier eating seem easier. When we went to Disney World this winter, The Husband rediscovered mushrooms and green beans...even going as far to admit mushrooms made his meal better. Whoa. For him, that is huge. When we met, he was staunchly anti-veggie. Over our first 4 years together, I intergrated a lot of onion and pepper into our diet. I would also harrass him into trying other veggies that I made. He came around to asparagus on his own and I felt so proud of him. But then mushrooms were added and I was elated.
It was him who suggested we eat vegetarian a few nights a week. I tried to make it 3-4 out of 7 nights. I also cut meat out of my own lunches for a while as well as breakfasts.
We both saw the benefits of this change pretty quickly. He slimmed out in his chest and waist. I honestly don't think I look any thinner but people have said I do so I will go with that. We also felt better. We live on the fourth floor and the stairs became much easier as we ate better. The more gluten I cut out, the less migraines, nausea, and gastro issues I experienced.
Lately, we have fallen off the wagon. There has been a lot of take-out recently. My depression and anxiety have been pretty terrible. I don't want to cook (which is something I love doing) or do dishes or really do anything but sit on the couch and harrass the cats to sit with me. I have not been as careful as I should with gluten and have made myself sick almost daily because of it. But it didn't stop me. My personal well being was forgotten in order for me to feed the demons I have.
Addiction is something people don't like to talk about. When they do, it's usually only in reference to drugs, alcohol, and nicotine. Food should be right up there. It is a way of feeling high while remaining functional. The cravings can be painful. I try to keep snacks at my desk that won't make me feel guilty or shame if I eat them (vegetable root chips, gluten free rolled oats and sugar free syrup in the fridge), to help tame the need to eat while retaining some of my goal to be healthier.
Eggs and steamed rice have become my go to for nights I can't bring myself to answer the door for delivery... Wondering if the delivery person is silently judging me for ordering again in the same week. You'd think this anxiety would motivate me to cook and get back on track. That's a big fat no. It makes me want to have The Husband answer or have us alternate who goes in to pick it up so its not always the same face. My shame and guilt consume me, causing depression to a point where my body hurts. I feel like an awful person and a terrible wife.
The worst part in all of this, is that I am one of those assholes that watches food documentaries, who will shell out more money to buy organic and non-GMO products. I get on my wee soapbox to talk about chemicals we ingest and the state of farming in the country. But once the depression and anxiety hit hard... NONE OF IT MATTERS. I am 15 again: Boys don't like me because I am fat and ugly; I think no one actually likes me in general, they just pretend so they don't hurt my feelings; I am not good enough for anything, EVER; I am not worth saving.
I know these are all things I have to work on. I suppose in reality enough people like me for being me. And at least one boy likes me... He heard Beyonce and knew he had to put a ring on it. The rest? I am not on board with refuting yet. I am hoping sticking to eating well and cutting myself some slack will help.
- Make healthier choices in terms of food and exercise.
- Work on my TBT list.
- Actively "date" The Husband.
- Spend more time with friends.
- Experiment more in the kitchen, both in terms of ingredients and recipes.
- Cut myself some slack. (self depreciation doesn't have to be my go to)
- Go back to Disney.
- Start learning a new language.
- Work on Rocky Horror costumes for Eddie and Frank, maybe Janet.
Food has always been my drug of choice and probably always will be. For me, nothing beats a terrible day like tearing into some food. I am not discerning either. While I am no Anthony Bourdain, there is little I will say no to. Stuffing myself to uphoria was the easiest way to cope in a world I felt I had little control over. Now, as an adult, I get to deal with the aftermath.
The Husband and I decided to start eating healthier. It certainly helped that I had been eating less gluten. The cutting out of breads and traditional pasta made the jump to healthier eating seem easier. When we went to Disney World this winter, The Husband rediscovered mushrooms and green beans...even going as far to admit mushrooms made his meal better. Whoa. For him, that is huge. When we met, he was staunchly anti-veggie. Over our first 4 years together, I intergrated a lot of onion and pepper into our diet. I would also harrass him into trying other veggies that I made. He came around to asparagus on his own and I felt so proud of him. But then mushrooms were added and I was elated.
It was him who suggested we eat vegetarian a few nights a week. I tried to make it 3-4 out of 7 nights. I also cut meat out of my own lunches for a while as well as breakfasts.
We both saw the benefits of this change pretty quickly. He slimmed out in his chest and waist. I honestly don't think I look any thinner but people have said I do so I will go with that. We also felt better. We live on the fourth floor and the stairs became much easier as we ate better. The more gluten I cut out, the less migraines, nausea, and gastro issues I experienced.
Lately, we have fallen off the wagon. There has been a lot of take-out recently. My depression and anxiety have been pretty terrible. I don't want to cook (which is something I love doing) or do dishes or really do anything but sit on the couch and harrass the cats to sit with me. I have not been as careful as I should with gluten and have made myself sick almost daily because of it. But it didn't stop me. My personal well being was forgotten in order for me to feed the demons I have.
Addiction is something people don't like to talk about. When they do, it's usually only in reference to drugs, alcohol, and nicotine. Food should be right up there. It is a way of feeling high while remaining functional. The cravings can be painful. I try to keep snacks at my desk that won't make me feel guilty or shame if I eat them (vegetable root chips, gluten free rolled oats and sugar free syrup in the fridge), to help tame the need to eat while retaining some of my goal to be healthier.
Eggs and steamed rice have become my go to for nights I can't bring myself to answer the door for delivery... Wondering if the delivery person is silently judging me for ordering again in the same week. You'd think this anxiety would motivate me to cook and get back on track. That's a big fat no. It makes me want to have The Husband answer or have us alternate who goes in to pick it up so its not always the same face. My shame and guilt consume me, causing depression to a point where my body hurts. I feel like an awful person and a terrible wife.
The worst part in all of this, is that I am one of those assholes that watches food documentaries, who will shell out more money to buy organic and non-GMO products. I get on my wee soapbox to talk about chemicals we ingest and the state of farming in the country. But once the depression and anxiety hit hard... NONE OF IT MATTERS. I am 15 again: Boys don't like me because I am fat and ugly; I think no one actually likes me in general, they just pretend so they don't hurt my feelings; I am not good enough for anything, EVER; I am not worth saving.
I know these are all things I have to work on. I suppose in reality enough people like me for being me. And at least one boy likes me... He heard Beyonce and knew he had to put a ring on it. The rest? I am not on board with refuting yet. I am hoping sticking to eating well and cutting myself some slack will help.
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