Pinterest Diaries: Quinoa Pizza Bites

Winter is a tough time for me. I feel like it is for most people living in areas where there isn’t much sun or warmth. Luckily, it has been much warmer than usual but as we here in Massachusetts get ready to brace ourselves for a Valentine’s weekend where the temps will go below zero I want to talk about something that warms my heart. Something that comforts me and doesn’t judge me, a true beacon of hope when all else seems amiss - and that, friends, is Pizza.

I love pizza. You know those people who say there is no such thing as bad pizza? I disagree. There are varying degrees of goodness and so much to consider - sauce, cheese blend, cheese stretch, crust, toppings, things to shake on it, things for it to be dipped in… It is enough to make this fat girl cry. I eat all kinds of pizza from like really high quality to really shitty take out to an array of frozen. [PSA: If you need a frozen pizza and can be ok with spending like $9 on it, PLEASE try Screamin’ Sicilian. Hands down the best frozen pizza I have ever had. One I would eat over some take out places.] I will take it in any form. I love pizza rolls and pizza-dillas equally. Deep dish or thin crust, I DGAF - just gimme dat pie!

If you have been here before, you may be wondering how I eat all this pizza and keep talking about being Gluten Free. The answer is that there are a few things in this world where I will invoke #YOLO and eat wheat only to *sometimes* regret it later (sometimes I find it worth it. DON’T BE LIKE ME. BE STRONGER THAN THAT). Pizza is at the top of my list. With the winter woes taking hold I have been extra hard on myself about this. Some of it is purely economical because GF stuff, especially GOOD GF stuff, is often pricier. Some of it is that I prefer to cram feelings and insecurities down by way of food. I decided I needed an easy way to get pizza without wanting to die after.

I pinned a recipe for Quinoa Pizza Bites a few weeks ago and decided to give it a try. It seemed fairly inexpensive and easy to do, which it was. It called for a mini muffin pan and if you have one I highly suggest using it to avoid touching the raw mixture. They were really good, held their shape well, and were filling. The Husband annihilated them, so two thumbs up from them? It is easily something you could make vegetarian as well. Maybe vegan? But I am not really sure if there is a vegan substitute for eggs and didn’t research that before writing this (sorry!).

Ingredients

1 cup of cooked Quinoa (I used white and the recipe calls for that but I feel like this could be mad good with couscous or another type or quinoa. Shit, even rice. **I did NOT cook this ahead of time, which I told myself to do multiple times. I suggest doing it ahead of time so it is easy to handle)

⅓ cup of pepperoni (I used sliced pizza pepperoni that I cut up. I could see how using a stick would also be good)

3 large eggs (I used 2 because I DO WHAT I WANT, RECIPE. DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO…. oh, that is what you are there for)

1 Cup of mozzarella

¼ tsp salt

Optional: Marinara/spaghetti/pizza sauce for dip dips

Cook the quinoa as directed on the package. If you are Fancy AF like me, substitute stock for water to impart more flavor on those magic grains. Again, I suggest doing this ahead of time and letting it cool.

Preheat your oven to 350.

Chop up your pepperoni. I cut them in stacks into four strips then in half.

This is where I went rouge. Unless this is your first time reading a recipe here, you are probably surprised it took this long but I supposed not pre-cooking the quinoa was my first step to being a rebel.

It calls for ⅓ cup. I used about half. Maybe more. I also suggest making sure there is some for your snacking pleasure.

Season your quinoa. I don’t know if you noticed the lack of seasoning listed above. WHAT MONSTER DOESN’T SEASON SOMETHING? NOT ONE SINGLE GRAIN OF GARLIC POWDER MENTIONED?IN WHAT WORLD IS THE HOLY TRINITY NOT A STAPLE? One I don’t want to live in, clearly. I added salt, pepper, garlic powder, basil, and red pepper flakes… and some parmesan cheese. Mix and taste. Add more as needed. One thing I wish I knew ahead of time was that after the eggs are added and it bakes, the flavor mellows out A LOT. So bump up that flavor.

Add pepperoni and cheese. I didn’t measure and just threw in a few paws full... Nor did I use a straight mozzarella cheese. I went Italian style blend. I feel like my batch needed more cheese but that is possibly my own fault for not following directions. Combine.

 

Crack on your eggs and mix well.

If you are a super adult and have a mini muffin pan, spray it with cooking spray and fill it. If you suck at adulting, like me, get ready to hate everything. Just going to free ball it? (Literally. Make balls of this mixture free hand. Pervs.) Dig in. I rolled balls of the mix together then formed weird blobs that were vaguely cookie-esque/cake like. Place these mounds of terrifying texture (which I promise is 10 times better when cooked) on a cookie sheet that you have sprayed with cooking spray.

The recipe said to bake for 25-30 minutes or until browned. I would say I had these in for about 35. I was not satisfied with the browning but they smelled really good and to be honest I find the scent of pepperoni too intoxicating to be patient.

It then suggests you remove the bites and put them on a cooling rack. I chose to pile them on a plate and get to eatin’. You chose.

Here's to 2016

I took a lot of time off of writing here and I apologize for that. It was not for lack of desire but more for lack of feeling.

When the winter hits and the holidays start, stress bogs me down causing my depression and anxiety to kick into high gear. If you are plagued with either (or both) you understand how crippling it can be. If you are not familiar with them/how they work in tandem the best way to explain it is this:

I hope you all made it through the holiday season happy and healthy and ready to tackle 2016. Tackling 2016 is what I am here to talk about today.

2015 was a year that brought me closer to friends, got me productively talking about books in a book club (which brought me back to some high school friends), I got to go back to Disney - if only for a day, I wrote more here, and tried pitching some articles for online magazines. I was not good at staying gluten free or being good to myself in general. I didn’t make any real resolutions (I find them too easy to discard) and did not for this year either. What I do have, is a letter to 2016 - a manifestation of what I want to do and who I want to be in the new year.

To The Fates, or really any deity of time and fate and destiny:

Thank you for another year, another chance to wander this Earth and learn from my surroundings. While that is gift enough, I would like to impose on your generosity a bit more as we head into this new year. I want to see myself grow both in my writing and in my confidence, to take care of myself better as well as those around me, and to channel anger/disappointment/frustration/stress in ways that make me feel less like a walking personification of The Morrigan. I strive to become as fearless as those around me believe I am. May I focus on things that make me truly happy like baking, cooking, candy-making, and seeing friends instead of tunneling in on the negative. I would like to learn how to relax more, even if that just means more baths (with or without bath bombs - which are amazing, btw.) and wine and laughing. Should I find the confidence to do so, I hope this year will bring me the opportunity to start the YouTube channel for this blog as well as the opportunity to pitch more articles (and hopefully have something accepted!). I ask for your intervention when I need to remember to breathe, to slow down, to stop and enjoy what is right in front of me instead of missing the small things. Most of all, I hope this year will help me continue to be amazed and humbled by the support of those around me, that The Husband continues to have the patience of a saint when dealing with me, and that I continue to learn how to love fearlessly. And another trip to Disney wouldn’t hurt either.

-MPA  

My biggest hope outside of myself is that Trump isn't elected. Well, that and that feminism stops being treated like a dirty word - that people start to understand what it means for women as well as men.

What are your goals for 2016? Comment below to share your letter to 2016 and inspire others as we forge our paths in the new year.

"But" Talks and Conditional Acceptance

This slut shaming piece is giving me hella writer’s block. Which is driving me crazy. I can talk until the end of time about it but there is a fluidity to conversation that allows for you to skip around. So while I work on making it a cohesive piece that any sane being can follow, I decided to switch to a different topic. I promise as soon as I can get my shit together and make the slut shaming piece work, I’ll post it. Until then, I will treat it as a roadblock and just...get around it.

The next topic? The conditions we put on others for acceptance. I don’t just mean the terrible societal pressures to conform/fit into a certain niche.

Perhaps it is best to explain it with a personal example. In addition to being fat, I have (for the most part) maintained a fairly “alternative” lifestyle. I started dying my hair in 6th grade, got my first facial piercing a few months before turning 14, surrounded myself with those not in the mainstream (whatever that means), etc. My political leanings always being liberal and feminist, championing non-traditional folks and ideas, being a freer spirit than most, blah blah blah counter culture talk. NBD. I don’t expect people to agree or “get” me. Often I am faced with the “but” talk. The “but” talk is something I have heard since I was a wee fatling and it has gained momentum reaching it’s peak in my adult life.

Just what is the “but” talk? It is putting out a compliment (or sadly saying you love someone) then following it with a conditional statement. Well, compliment….ish.

“I love you but I am concerned for your health (because you are fat, even when I have no idea what your medical history is).”

“You would be prettier without all those piercings/a different hairstyle/your natural hair color.”

“You could be pretty/prettier if you lost weight.”

“I think you are beautiful but you should wear less makeup/more makeup/different clothes/etc.”

“But” talks aren’t limited to these examples but they are fairly common ones. I know I am not the only person who experiences them. The idea is that we are conditioned to expect others to present themselves in a particular way. I am not the modest, dainty, flowering beauty that is expected of a woman. I am brazen, crass, opinionated, and clever. I use words as a weapon but am not afraid of a fight. I don’t back down and refuse to be silenced. I strive to unapologetically take up space in this world. I understand that this is who I am and I am pleased with those aspects of myself. These words are not “lady-like.” They are not the overarching image of what a woman should be. If anything, they are more linked to how society expects men to act. The “but” talks I have received often bring up my lack of female-ness (I really didn’t want to use femininity as I don’t think it explains exactly what I am saying), attacking the few traits I have grown to like about myself.

These backhanded compliments work to corrode confidence and sew seeds of doubt into us; meant to soften the blow of something the giver feels is true, regardless of how the receiver feels. I don’t think every giver of the “but” talk does it to eat at the person on the receiving end. I think, unfortunately, it is seen as normal and acceptable… perhaps even the correct way to deliver something like that.

Take the following “but” statements:

“You would be prettier without all those piercings/a different hairstyle/your natural hair color.”

“You could be pretty/prettier if you lost weight.”

“I think you are beautiful but you should wear less makeup/more makeup/different clothes/etc.”

None of them say you are ugly or unattractive. They don’t point out a flaw directly but instead beat around the bush. When someone calls you out directly it is much easier to agree to disagree. You don’t like my fleek AF mohawk? That’s cool. I do and it is my head so… #ByeFelicia. Take away the direct negativity and add an ambiguous almost compliment, it gets a little murky. Instead of “hey, I think your hair is ugly/stupid/other negative whining” you get “You’re pretty but your hair really takes away from it/you’d look better with a different style.”

“But” talks and jabs like them work to place conditions on each other that are unfair and unnecessary. The underlying statement is, essentially, you are not what I envision x to be and think perhaps you should be more concerned with working toward what my ideal of x is. By addressing our own need to have the pieces of our world fit into the boxes we have been taught to assign them to, we put pressure on others to conform to something WE need instead of them becoming what THEY need. They are not good enough to fit the terms we want to assign them and instead of looking at how we can change our perspective, we work to exclude or shame. In a world where people are finally starting to understand how non-binary gender is and how antiquated our social idea of masculinity/femininity, it boggles my mind that this is still a thing. The "but" talk and talks like it should be less common but (ba dum tsssss) as those around become more enlightened it feels like it happens more often.

 

What does it say about us (not only as a society but also as individual beings) that as we encourage those in our lives to become comfortable as their truest self, advocating for each other to life authentically yet we fail them when that authenticity is too real and revert back to making them feel that they need to fit into our ideal vision of them?

 

Reading, Writing, YouTubing

Hey, Friends!

I am working on some posts about street harassment and slut shaming but while I am away, I thought I'd holla at you with some various types of media I follow that may tickle your giggle or make you think.

Magazines
In addition to cooking magazines (Taste of Home and Food Network) I am a big supporter of feminist publications. I have been reading Bitch (https://bitchmedia.org/ ), Bust ( http://bust.com/ ), and Ms. ( http://www.msmagazine.com/) since I was in my late teens/early 20s. All have great pieces with different view points of feminist issues here and abroad. Bitch (and Bust as well, I believe) also take submissions. they also have great reviews of books, music, and movies with a feminist scope.

For a non-paper magazine, check out xoJane ( www.xojane.com ). If you were a fan of Sassy or Jane when they were in print, you will be sure to dig this as well. It is a site that devotes itself to allowing women to be themselves, unabashedly, and celebrates every aspect of them. It is written by the xoJane community, meaning anyone is welcome to submit articles to them. Which is pretty rad.

Comic Books
Yeah. You read that right. I have rediscovered comic books and am so terribly happy I have. All of the books I read currently (and, I know this will be a horrific shock to you) have prominent female characters that range from the traditional female comic book style of art (think short/tight outfits that cover very little) to very covered but still badass. Here is what is on my list:

The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl: This is funny and cute and perfect. I am obsessed with squirrels so Doreen is what I want to be when I grow up. She is a girl who is trying to get through college while saving the world.

Ms. Marvel: Kamala Khan (Ms. Marvel) is a Pakistani teen from Jersey City. She is learning to control her powers as well as her limits while going to school, trying to be the perfect daughter, and (natch) save the world. The way the writers flawlessly blend her home life and culture into the book is endearing and fresh.

A Force: All female Avengers. All bad ass.

Lumberjanes: If girl scout camp and the occult/mythical had a baby, Lumberjanes would be the result. It is cute and age appropriate for teens while still being enjoyable for adults.

Thor: Odinson is no longer worthy to wield Mjolnir. The only one worthy? A woman. And holy shit does that mess with a lot of people/gods.

Bitch Planet: Women found non-compliant are shipped to a prison known as Bitch Planet. This book shows women of all shapes/sizes/races and soon (#kindaspoileralert) transwomen as well. It is written well, drawn beautifully, and has been striking a MAJOR cord with feminists everywhere. They end each issue with an essay that discusses feminism or women's issues.

YouTube
Oh YouTube. How much time I waste on you! I have recently become super into watching videos/following different channels. My taste is a little...everywhere. Most of what I follow is funny or tutorial based. With each channel, I have added a video they have out that I really like.

Glam & Gore: This is a make-up tutorial channel that covers... Glam and gore (get it? It's in the title.) Mykie covers basics like blending, eyebrow filling, and contouring as well as special effect make-up. She is also really flippin' adorable. The video posted is based on Wicked Witch make-up. She does a normal version based on Elphaba in Wicked, then the melty goodness of the original witch. She also does a really cute sloth to zombie sloth tutorial. Annnnd she calls her followers zombaes which I think is hilarious.

 

MyHarto: I have a HUGE crush on Hannah Hart. Sweet Jesus. She does the My Drunk Kitchen series as well as vlogs. Her followers also do great community service projects they call "have a hart day." I can't even with how sweet that is. Below is from the My Drunk Kitchen college series: how to make Sriracha Chicken.



 

Mamrie Hart: I found out about Mamrie when I saw her on an episode of @Midnight. She is hilarious and sometimes a little filthy which is a winning combination for me. She has 2 channels, Mamrie Hart and mametown. Mamrie Hart houses her hilarious You Deserve a Drink series while mametown is home to collaborations and other characters she has. Beanz, her dog who always has their tongue out derpily to the side, appears on both. Given the season, I felt her toast to fall (which is absolute perfection) was the best choice as it tickled my giggledick and spoke to the struggle of spending fall in a warm place.

 



 

IISuperwomanII: Lilly Singh is funny and smart. A lot of her videos feature her playing her parents. She riffs on the cultural differences of her family between generations in a light hearted way. I am going to cheat and post two videos because I CAN MUAHAHAHAHAHA. Well, really because One of them actually shows a bunch of YouTubers I watch in one video. I never realized how these people have come together and built friendships based on enjoying each others content and collaborating. They are making YouTube a community. I have been a Jenna Marbles fan for a few years and saw she is in the video, as well as Colleen Ballinger (who most people on YouTube know as Miranda Sings), Hannah Hart, Mamrie Hart, and others. The second video is just Lilly and a guest appearance from Kunal Nayyar (of Big Bang Theory fame) and is a humorous retelling of how her parents met.

 



 

The Portuguese Kids: This speaks to my soul. It is a clever, funny, and brilliant look at what it is like to grow up in a Portuguese home when you are the first generation to be born here. It highlights cultural differences perfectly without being too heavy. This video focuses on what it is like for girls to grow up or live in a Portuguese home.

FAF: Making Ganache

FAF is a new tutorial-ish series for the blog! Fancy As Fuck will cover some grade A, 10 out of 10, ridiculous crafting, cooking, and kitchen witchery.

In the introductory FAF, let's gush about ganache.

So, WTF is ganache? You know that moment when you bite into a truffle and once past the shell you get freakishly delicious, not solid but not liquid/semi-set (ish) ribbon-y center of bliss? THAT is ganache. Ganache can be used to fill cakes, cookies, cupcakes, candy, croissants (if you're into that...mmmmm with a little hazelnut or almond? *drool*)...anything really. It can even be used in lieu of frosting or mixed into it. It is the stuff of dreams, and I don't even really like chocolate.

Something so decadent is hard to make, right? NO. IT IS WICKED EASY. (whoa, I see I opened my mouth and Massachusetts fell out...)

I made The Husband truffles for his birthday and snapped some pictures to walk ya'll through the magic. The base of ganache is simple:

• chocolate (in this case, white chocolate with vanilla beans) - I used 9 oz
• heavy cream - for the amount of chocolate, 1/3 cup plus 1 tbs
• vanilla
• butter - 1/2 a stick
• salt
• added flavors (optional-in this case, root beer schnapps)
• The rest of the items (chips and oil) are for making the crust on the truffles, which we can go over another day.

Some recipes call for adding corn syrup. I have never added it so I can not speak to what it does for texture or anything.

I like to start by chopping the CRAP out of my chocolate. I try to cut very thin, almost shaving it on an angle, then chopping any larger pieces as I go. Work as quickly as you can in as cool an environment as possible so the chocolate doesn't melt.



Something essential to this operation is a double boiler. If you don't have one, they are super easy and quick to rig. You fill a pot of water up partially. The bowl you place into it should sit on the edges so as not to fall in. The bottom of the bowl should not touch the water beneath it. Be careful of how hot the bowl will get and any steam that vents out while you work. Once the water is boiling and the bowl has been placed, add butter and melt. Once melted, add in the chocolate.

At this point, I like to stir in the salt as well, just a pinch. Mix the chocolate constantly to avoid it burning and to beat in any lumps. White chocolate will look like it has "broken" (kind of oily and lumpy and like it is not good for eating) but keep at it. It has a higher fat content so it will do that but it will come back together. Once melted, add the cream, mixing it in slowly.

At this point, add in your vanilla and other flavors. I always eyeball vanilla, so I would say a few splashes? When adding in other flavors, keep in mind adding more liquid will result in a very.. loose ganache. Which is what happened to me. If adding in zest, spices, other candy, mix and transfer to a dish to chill in. Pop in the fridge over night if you are making truffles or cool and use as frosting/filling.

If you are like me and are heavy handed when you add booze to your truffles, you may need to chop up more chocolate and melt some into your mixture to tighten it back up.

Once chilled, it should be kind of firm when you touch it. Not hard, not squishy; firm but moldable. It is easiest, if using for truffles, to scoop using a melon baller. Or in my case, a measuring spoon. Mine is a bit too squishy so I had to make truffle cups using small cupcake wrappers.
                                            

That is it. That is literally all there is to making ganache.

Go forth and eat delicious chocolate. Impress your friends with your skills.

Pinterest Diaries: Enchilada Dip

**Hey, Friends!
I am heading to Flo.Rida (Am I the only one that finds that hilarious?) until Monday. I will be posting pictures and videos on my Instagram and Snapchat (username on both: whofavorsfire). There may be a day at Disneyworld while I am there, so get ready for magical Halloween-y overload!

While I am away, I am going to try this post scheduling tool here on the blog AND on the FB. The posts will be a few food tutorials and post about media I am into. Hoping it goes off without a hitch!

For Labor Day, we had a family shindig and I decided to flex my appetizer skills by making a dip. I scoured the internet looking for something tasty and stumbled across enchilada dip. I LOVE ENCHILADAS. I keep enchilada sauce on hand at all times. Casserole, mixed into Mexican themed rice, mixed into sour cream for added zip, or even just regular enchiladas. I don't discriminate. Get in my belly. Right meow.

After discussing if this was a good plan with The Husband, I took a trip to Trader Joe's to get some stuff.  Here is what the recipe called for:

1½ - 2 pounds ground beef

½ medium onion, diced

2 cloves garlic, minced

2 cups enchilada sauce

2 cups grated Monterrey Jack or cheddar cheese

Sour Cream (optional)

Tortilla Chips (optional)

 

In my head, I had an idea of what was needed. I know how to make enchiladas and I know how to make dip. So I went into the store sans list. Whoops. I went rogue much sooner than usual. I ended up with:

                                                     

 

Anyone versed in the world of dip making knows that a traditional creamy dip has at least two of the following in it: Sour Cream, Cream Cheese, or Mayonnaise. Consider this dip's holy trinity. I didn't realize heading in that this "dip" I found broke the sacred rule. I ended up using sour cream and cream cheese because #yolo, that's why. I also decided to add bell pepper, beans, and corn to make it a bit more hearty. I also swapped ground beef for ground turkey and used a mix of red and green enchilada sauce. PLEASE MAKE SURE TO READ YOUR LABELS IF YOU HAVE DIETARY ISSUES. After eating a metric shitload of this dip, I got really sick. The extremely delicious Trader Joe's enchilada sauce (my g-d go to sauce) has wheat in it. Use a GF sauce if you need to steer clear of those amber waves of grain.

Let's get down to business (to defeat the huns? #accidentalDisneying):

The recipe's instructions:

1. Brown ground beef in a large skillet. Drain. Add in onion and garlic and cook until tender, about 3 minutes. Stir in enchilada sauce and top with grated cheese. Cover and allow cheese to melt, about 3 more minutes.
2. Top with sour cream and serve with tortilla chips.

 

TOO EASY. NOT TASTY ENOUGH. MPA MAD! MPA SMASH PUNY RULES!

 

Here is how I did it:

 

1. Heat olive oil in wok. Add turkey. Break it up and season with salt, pepper, garlic powder, and cumin.

 

2. While that is browning, prep your veg. I bought pre-diced onion so I just had the pepper. De-seed and de-rib, dice.

 

3. Once the turkey is cooked through and browned some, drain. Leave in colander until needed.

4. Add a smidge more oil to the wok. Toss in onion and pepper. Hold off on seasoning until they cook down. Then add some salt, pepper, garlic powder, and cumin.
                                             

 

5. Add beans and corn. Cook until they are warmed through.

                                         

 

6. Add turkey and mix together. Add in enchilada sauce and cook down for 5 or so minutes, stirring occasionally. Taste and season as needed/if needed.

 

7. Add shredded cheese and mix until melted.

8. Add cream cheese and mix until melted and incorporated through entire dip. Then add about 1/4 cup of sour cream (this was eyeballed, using a fork because I am nothing if not a scientist) and mix.                                         

9. Grab some chips and enjoy.

 

 

 

 

 

Discussing "Dear Fat People"

** Hey Friends. Apologies for my lack of posts. Some personal stuff came up and took me out of the game for a bit. But, I am back! **

Canadian actress/comedian Nicole Arbour put out a YouTube video that is breaking the internet. Dear Fat People is her open letter to fat people in which she uses outdated, juvenile humor veiled as satire to shame and criticize fat people. Having a laugh at the expense of those who are fat is nothing new, so why is there been such an uproar about this video? People are making response videos. People of all body types. There has been an incredible amount of support for the fat community. The video and channel were flagged to YouTube and all content was taken off the channel for a few days. Some people are arguing this was a publicity stunt by Arbour (she tweeted out that she broke the internet with comedy and that satire is being censored) as everything, including Dear Fat People, has been restored and the number of views has skyrocketed.

I have watched this video twice, once out of curiosity and once to decide how I wanted to talk about it. While I don’t agree with her point of view, I don’t agree it should be taken down when there is MUCH worse out there. That being said, I won’t link the video because I don’t feel like the video deserves the viral attention it is receiving. Later in this post, I will post Whitney Way Thore’s response which includes clips of the original.

But let’s get back to what this video says and why it’s an issue.

It isn’t Arbour’s use of juvenile humor that is offensive, it is her insistence that she is doing fat people a favor by telling them this and that fat shaming is non-existent. Anyone who doesn’t fit into an “ideal” size gets shit for their body at some point. Whether it is looks or comments, it happens far more than it should. Since “fat” is considered one of the worst things you can call someone due to fatphobia and increasingly unattainable body ideals, the term fat is used to shame people of all body sizes. I have friends that are thin and hour glassed shaped who have men call them “fat bitches” (or worse) when they deny advances. If fat is the go to word to demean someone or shame them for something you do not agree with/want/do/whatever, then perhaps it isn’t something fat people just made up so others would feel sorry for us. She goes on to say that fat shaming is a great idea: we (fat people) should be shamed until we have better habits. BITCH, YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE. It doesn’t matter if you start the video off by saying if someone is fat because of a medical condition this isn’t aimed at them. That is the equivalent of telling someone off by starting with “with all due respect.” You can’t tell by looking at someone if they have a medical condition or are on a medication that has caused them to gain weight. Spoiler Alert, Nicole: It’s invisible. The kid you made fun of in your video could have a condition but you still feel the need to be unnecessarily cruel to and about them. I, for one, have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) which in addition to making it 100 times harder to get pregnant and makes me grow in a full beard (watch out No Shave November office battle, I am kicking your ass this year), makes gaining weight as easy as breathing but losing it nigh impossible. Outwardly, other than the occasional five o’clock shadow, I look like everything is in fine working condition. The assumption that fat people are ticking time bombs of premature death is archaic at best. Yes, for some people there can be health complications but those same complications exist for everyone depending on their health and family history. Plus size doesn’t necessarily mean plus heart disease or plus diabetes as Arbour will happily tell you. She also likens the thought that obesity is a disease to someone being a shopaholic, and the idea of being body positive to being pro-meth use or smoking.

The problem with fat shaming, other than the obvious, is the lasting effect it has on people. There are numerous studies that prove an approach like that doesn’t work. Pretending to care about someone’s health to shame them into losing weight often has the opposite effect. It causes depression, further body dysmorphia, and in some cases can lead to self harm or suicide. Comments, however funny they are supposed to be (like Arbour’s suggestion that the natural aroma of fat people is sausage and that Crisco comes out of our pores or that our friends should be telling us what she is), matter. It isn’t a matter of needing to acquire thicker skin or more self confidence. When you are the punch line to everyone’s joke and made to feel less than, how are you supposed to gain confidence? Isn’t fat shaming (and similar tactics) meant to bring down confidence and keep things in a mythical state of status quo? Why are people so afraid to see fatties happy?

Fat happiness is a slap in the face to everything society tells us is correct. Much like women or poc (people of color for those who were unsure) or any other group that is seen as “lesser” being successful and strong or happy is seen as defiant. When so much time is devoted to making whole populations feel like something is wrong with them solely because of appearance, gender, race, what have you - to move past that and live life on your own terms is seen as a threat, a reason to tighten the reigns and inflict further tactics of oppression or ridicule. Fat is seen as acceptable in certain areas, as Arbour points out. She loves church going “big, black women” who can sing (...really? You had to go there?). That, to her and many others, is an acceptable type of fat. Older folks are ok too. Just about everyone else falls into the “YOU ARE A TERRIBLE HUMAN, IF I CAN EVEN CALL YOU THAT, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED. MY EYESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS” category.

Whatever “bombs of truth” Nicole Arbour felt like she was dropping, fatties and non-fatties alike came out of the woodwork to discuss why this mentality is upsetting, unnecessary, and in some cases dangerous. Whitney Way Thore, star of the TV show My Big, Fat, Fabulous Life put out a response video as well. She was even on CNN about it. Which is phenomenal. A leap for all fat(and human)kind. Whitney also has PCOS (what up, Cyster?) and gets judged for things she can’t control. Her response:

Preach, Boo, Preach.

The biggest issue with Arbour's video, at least to me, isn't touched upon in Whitney's response. Nicole Arbour makes it a point to say that being fat is selfish as it takes you away from those that love you earlier than if nature took its course. If that kind of twisted guilt trip isn't enough, she ices this shit-cake with saying that she, our friends, our loved ones should be able to enjoy us as human beings. Direct quote "...enjoy you as human beings." DAFUQ?

Her message essentially is: Fat shaming isn't real. I, and my fellow fatties, smell of sausage and sweat Crisco. Being comfortable in my own body should be frowned upon. My friends are lying to me if they aren't telling me what a hideous blubber monster I am. And to top it all off, I am not human because of my size.

To discount my feelings to the point that I, and those like me, should feel inhuman for something like body shape/size is, honestly, fucking disgusting. This is the line of the video that I wish everyone was attacking. Forget her awful humor, terrible effects, and the fact that this a piss poor excuse for satire. People are jumping to her defense as well, agreeing with her message as if it were gospel. Those people are hearing that fat people are less than human. People who already have terrible self-esteem and depression are hearing that they are less than human. LESS THAN HUMAN. Let that sink in. No one tells you they could enjoy you as a human if you were a brunette instead of a blonde. We all deserve to be treated like we matter. All of us. Even assholes like Nicole Arbour. I have been pretty open about depression and anxiety here, and in the interest of keeping it 100% real, let me drop this bomb on you:

Most days, I feel less than human. Not just because I am fat, my size is something I have come to terms with for the most part, even if I lapse on feeling body positive sometimes. But because I feel unworthy of existence. For a variety of reasons. There are days I wish I could stop existing. Days I pray, hope, wish to just not be. Not to actually take my life (which I have thought of before) but just to vanish. To simply not be. While I do not act on it, there are others who do. And if they feel like I do, like I have, like I am sure I will continue to, a video like Nicole Arbour's might be the thing that they interpret as a sign that proves every negative thing to cross their mind.

This kind of trash is what pulls people into dark places they may never get out of. This is the kind of trash we need to defend our selves and our loved ones against. Because it isn't just fat people - it is just more acceptable to direct it at fat people. It is people of other races, other genders, gay people, trans people, it is everyone who has been held down because they disrupt a social "norm."