Wednesday, November 11, 2015

"But" Talks and Conditional Acceptance

This slut shaming piece is giving me hella writer’s block. Which is driving me crazy. I can talk until the end of time about it but there is a fluidity to conversation that allows for you to skip around. So while I work on making it a cohesive piece that any sane being can follow, I decided to switch to a different topic. I promise as soon as I can get my shit together and make the slut shaming piece work, I’ll post it. Until then, I will treat it as a roadblock and just...get around it.

The next topic? The conditions we put on others for acceptance. I don’t just mean the terrible societal pressures to conform/fit into a certain niche.

Perhaps it is best to explain it with a personal example. In addition to being fat, I have (for the most part) maintained a fairly “alternative” lifestyle. I started dying my hair in 6th grade, got my first facial piercing a few months before turning 14, surrounded myself with those not in the mainstream (whatever that means), etc. My political leanings always being liberal and feminist, championing non-traditional folks and ideas, being a freer spirit than most, blah blah blah counter culture talk. NBD. I don’t expect people to agree or “get” me. Often I am faced with the “but” talk. The “but” talk is something I have heard since I was a wee fatling and it has gained momentum reaching it’s peak in my adult life.
Just what is the “but” talk? It is putting out a compliment (or sadly saying you love someone) then following it with a conditional statement. Well, compliment….ish.
“I love you but I am concerned for your health (because you are fat, even when I have no idea what your medical history is).”
“You would be prettier without all those piercings/a different hairstyle/your natural hair color.”
“You could be pretty/prettier if you lost weight.”
“I think you are beautiful but you should wear less makeup/more makeup/different clothes/etc.”
“But” talks aren’t limited to these examples but they are fairly common ones. I know I am not the only person who experiences them. The idea is that we are conditioned to expect others to present themselves in a particular way. I am not the modest, dainty, flowering beauty that is expected of a woman. I am brazen, crass, opinionated, and clever. I use words as a weapon but am not afraid of a fight. I don’t back down and refuse to be silenced. I strive to unapologetically take up space in this world. I understand that this is who I am and I am pleased with those aspects of myself. These words are not “lady-like.” They are not the overarching image of what a woman should be. If anything, they are more linked to how society expects men to act. The “but” talks I have received often bring up my lack of female-ness (I really didn’t want to use femininity as I don’t think it explains exactly what I am saying), attacking the few traits I have grown to like about myself.
These backhanded compliments work to corrode confidence and sew seeds of doubt into us; meant to soften the blow of something the giver feels is true, regardless of how the receiver feels. I don’t think every giver of the “but” talk does it to eat at the person on the receiving end. I think, unfortunately, it is seen as normal and acceptable… perhaps even the correct way to deliver something like that.

Take the following “but” statements:
“You would be prettier without all those piercings/a different hairstyle/your natural hair color.”
“You could be pretty/prettier if you lost weight.”
“I think you are beautiful but you should wear less makeup/more makeup/different clothes/etc.”
None of them say you are ugly or unattractive. They don’t point out a flaw directly but instead beat around the bush. When someone calls you out directly it is much easier to agree to disagree. You don’t like my fleek AF mohawk? That’s cool. I do and it is my head so… #ByeFelicia. Take away the direct negativity and add an ambiguous almost compliment, it gets a little murky. Instead of “hey, I think your hair is ugly/stupid/other negative whining” you get “You’re pretty but your hair really takes away from it/you’d look better with a different style.”

“But” talks and jabs like them work to place conditions on each other that are unfair and unnecessary. The underlying statement is, essentially, you are not what I envision x to be and think perhaps you should be more concerned with working toward what my ideal of x is. By addressing our own need to have the pieces of our world fit into the boxes we have been taught to assign them to, we put pressure on others to conform to something WE need instead of them becoming what THEY need. They are not good enough to fit the terms we want to assign them and instead of looking at how we can change our perspective, we work to exclude or shame. In a world where people are finally starting to understand how non-binary gender is and how antiquated our social idea of masculinity/femininity, it boggles my mind that this is still a thing. The "but" talk and talks like it should be less common but (ba dum tsssss) as those around become more enlightened it feels like it happens more often.
 
What does it say about us (not only as a society but also as individual beings) that as we encourage those in our lives to become comfortable as their truest self, advocating for each other to life authentically yet we fail them when that authenticity is too real and revert back to making them feel that they need to fit into our ideal vision of them?


 

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Reading, Writing, YouTubing

Hey, Friends!

I am working on some posts about street harassment and slut shaming but while I am away, I thought I'd holla at you with some various types of media I follow that may tickle your giggle or make you think.

Magazines
In addition to cooking magazines (Taste of Home and Food Network) I am a big supporter of feminist publications. I have been reading Bitch (https://bitchmedia.org/ ), Bust ( http://bust.com/ ), and Ms. ( http://www.msmagazine.com/) since I was in my late teens/early 20s. All have great pieces with different view points of feminist issues here and abroad. Bitch (and Bust as well, I believe) also take submissions. they also have great reviews of books, music, and movies with a feminist scope.

For a non-paper magazine, check out xoJane ( www.xojane.com ). If you were a fan of Sassy or Jane when they were in print, you will be sure to dig this as well. It is a site that devotes itself to allowing women to be themselves, unabashedly, and celebrates every aspect of them. It is written by the xoJane community, meaning anyone is welcome to submit articles to them. Which is pretty rad.

Comic Books
Yeah. You read that right. I have rediscovered comic books and am so terribly happy I have. All of the books I read currently (and, I know this will be a horrific shock to you) have prominent female characters that range from the traditional female comic book style of art (think short/tight outfits that cover very little) to very covered but still badass. Here is what is on my list:

The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl: This is funny and cute and perfect. I am obsessed with squirrels so Doreen is what I want to be when I grow up. She is a girl who is trying to get through college while saving the world.

Ms. Marvel: Kamala Khan (Ms. Marvel) is a Pakistani teen from Jersey City. She is learning to control her powers as well as her limits while going to school, trying to be the perfect daughter, and (natch) save the world. The way the writers flawlessly blend her home life and culture into the book is endearing and fresh.

A Force: All female Avengers. All bad ass.

Lumberjanes: If girl scout camp and the occult/mythical had a baby, Lumberjanes would be the result. It is cute and age appropriate for teens while still being enjoyable for adults.

Thor: Odinson is no longer worthy to wield Mjolnir. The only one worthy? A woman. And holy shit does that mess with a lot of people/gods.

Bitch Planet: Women found non-compliant are shipped to a prison known as Bitch Planet. This book shows women of all shapes/sizes/races and soon (#kindaspoileralert) transwomen as well. It is written well, drawn beautifully, and has been striking a MAJOR cord with feminists everywhere. They end each issue with an essay that discusses feminism or women's issues.

YouTube
Oh YouTube. How much time I waste on you! I have recently become super into watching videos/following different channels. My taste is a little...everywhere. Most of what I follow is funny or tutorial based. With each channel, I have added a video they have out that I really like.

Glam & Gore: This is a make-up tutorial channel that covers... Glam and gore (get it? It's in the title.) Mykie covers basics like blending, eyebrow filling, and contouring as well as special effect make-up. She is also really flippin' adorable. The video posted is based on Wicked Witch make-up. She does a normal version based on Elphaba in Wicked, then the melty goodness of the original witch. She also does a really cute sloth to zombie sloth tutorial. Annnnd she calls her followers zombaes which I think is hilarious.
 
MyHarto: I have a HUGE crush on Hannah Hart. Sweet Jesus. She does the My Drunk Kitchen series as well as vlogs. Her followers also do great community service projects they call "have a hart day." I can't even with how sweet that is. Below is from the My Drunk Kitchen college series: how to make Sriracha Chicken.

 
Mamrie Hart: I found out about Mamrie when I saw her on an episode of @Midnight. She is hilarious and sometimes a little filthy which is a winning combination for me. She has 2 channels, Mamrie Hart and mametown. Mamrie Hart houses her hilarious You Deserve a Drink series while mametown is home to collaborations and other characters she has. Beanz, her dog who always has their tongue out derpily to the side, appears on both. Given the season, I felt her toast to fall (which is absolute perfection) was the best choice as it tickled my giggledick and spoke to the struggle of spending fall in a warm place.
 

 
IISuperwomanII: Lilly Singh is funny and smart. A lot of her videos feature her playing her parents. She riffs on the cultural differences of her family between generations in a light hearted way. I am going to cheat and post two videos because I CAN MUAHAHAHAHAHA. Well, really because One of them actually shows a bunch of YouTubers I watch in one video. I never realized how these people have come together and built friendships based on enjoying each others content and collaborating. They are making YouTube a community. I have been a Jenna Marbles fan for a few years and saw she is in the video, as well as Colleen Ballinger (who most people on YouTube know as Miranda Sings), Hannah Hart, Mamrie Hart, and others. The second video is just Lilly and a guest appearance from Kunal Nayyar (of Big Bang Theory fame) and is a humorous retelling of how her parents met.
 

 
The Portuguese Kids: This speaks to my soul. It is a clever, funny, and brilliant look at what it is like to grow up in a Portuguese home when you are the first generation to be born here. It highlights cultural differences perfectly without being too heavy. This video focuses on what it is like for girls to grow up or live in a Portuguese home.

Friday, October 2, 2015

FAF: Making Ganache

FAF is a new tutorial-ish series for the blog! Fancy As Fuck will cover some grade A, 10 out of 10, ridiculous crafting, cooking, and kitchen witchery.

In the introductory FAF, let's gush about ganache.

So, WTF is ganache? You know that moment when you bite into a truffle and once past the shell you get freakishly delicious, not solid but not liquid/semi-set (ish) ribbon-y center of bliss? THAT is ganache. Ganache can be used to fill cakes, cookies, cupcakes, candy, croissants (if you're into that...mmmmm with a little hazelnut or almond? *drool*)...anything really. It can even be used in lieu of frosting or mixed into it. It is the stuff of dreams, and I don't even really like chocolate.

Something so decadent is hard to make, right? NO. IT IS WICKED EASY. (whoa, I see I opened my mouth and Massachusetts fell out...)

I made The Husband truffles for his birthday and snapped some pictures to walk ya'll through the magic. The base of ganache is simple:
  • chocolate (in this case, white chocolate with vanilla beans) - I used 9 oz
  • heavy cream - for the amount of chocolate, 1/3 cup plus 1 tbs
  • vanilla
  • butter - 1/2 a stick
  • salt
  • added flavors (optional-in this case, root beer schnapps)
  • The rest of the items (chips and oil) are for making the crust on the truffles, which we can go over another day.


Some recipes call for adding corn syrup. I have never added it so I can not speak to what it does for texture or anything.

I like to start by chopping the CRAP out of my chocolate. I try to cut very thin, almost shaving it on an angle, then chopping any larger pieces as I go. Work as quickly as you can in as cool an environment as possible so the chocolate doesn't melt.



Something essential to this operation is a double boiler. If you don't have one, they are super easy and quick to rig. You fill a pot of water up partially. The bowl you place into it should sit on the edges so as not to fall in. The bottom of the bowl should not touch the water beneath it. Be careful of how hot the bowl will get and any steam that vents out while you work. Once the water is boiling and the bowl has been placed, add butter and melt. Once melted, add in the chocolate.



At this point, I like to stir in the salt as well, just a pinch. Mix the chocolate constantly to avoid it burning and to beat in any lumps. White chocolate will look like it has "broken" (kind of oily and lumpy and like it is not good for eating) but keep at it. It has a higher fat content so it will do that but it will come back together. Once melted, add the cream, mixing it in slowly.

At this point, add in your vanilla and other flavors. I always eyeball vanilla, so I would say a few splashes? When adding in other flavors, keep in mind adding more liquid will result in a very.. loose ganache. Which is what happened to me. If adding in zest, spices, other candy, mix and transfer to a dish to chill in. Pop in the fridge over night if you are making truffles or cool and use as frosting/filling.

If you are like me and are heavy handed when you add booze to your truffles, you may need to chop up more chocolate and melt some into your mixture to tighten it back up.

Once chilled, it should be kind of firm when you touch it. Not hard, not squishy; firm but moldable. It is easiest, if using for truffles, to scoop using a melon baller. Or in my case, a measuring spoon. Mine is a bit too squishy so I had to make truffle cups using small cupcake wrappers.
                                            

That is it. That is literally all there is to making ganache.

Go forth and eat delicious chocolate. Impress your friends with your skills.

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Pinterest Diaries: Enchilada Dip

**Hey, Friends!
I am heading to Flo.Rida (Am I the only one that finds that hilarious?) until Monday. I will be posting pictures and videos on my Instagram and Snapchat (username on both: whofavorsfire). There may be a day at Disneyworld while I am there, so get ready for magical Halloween-y overload!

While I am away, I am going to try this post scheduling tool here on the blog AND on the FB. The posts will be a few food tutorials and post about media I am into. Hoping it goes off without a hitch!

For Labor Day, we had a family shindig and I decided to flex my appetizer skills by making a dip. I scoured the internet looking for something tasty and stumbled across enchilada dip. I LOVE ENCHILADAS. I keep enchilada sauce on hand at all times. Casserole, mixed into Mexican themed rice, mixed into sour cream for added zip, or even just regular enchiladas. I don't discriminate. Get in my belly. Right meow.

After discussing if this was a good plan with The Husband, I took a trip to Trader Joe's to get some stuff.  Here is what the recipe called for:

  • 1½ - 2 pounds ground beef
  • ½ medium onion, diced
  • 2 cloves garlic, minced
  • 2 cups enchilada sauce
  • 2 cups grated Monterrey Jack or cheddar cheese
  • Sour Cream (optional)
  • Tortilla Chips (optional)

  •  
    In my head, I had an idea of what was needed. I know how to make enchiladas and I know how to make dip. So I went into the store sans list. Whoops. I went rogue much sooner than usual. I ended up with:
                                                         
     

    Anyone versed in the world of dip making knows that a traditional creamy dip has at least two of the following in it: Sour Cream, Cream Cheese, or Mayonnaise. Consider this dip's holy trinity. I didn't realize heading in that this "dip" I found broke the sacred rule. I ended up using sour cream and cream cheese because #yolo, that's why. I also decided to add bell pepper, beans, and corn to make it a bit more hearty. I also swapped ground beef for ground turkey and used a mix of red and green enchilada sauce. PLEASE MAKE SURE TO READ YOUR LABELS IF YOU HAVE DIETARY ISSUES. After eating a metric shitload of this dip, I got really sick. The extremely delicious Trader Joe's enchilada sauce (my g-d go to sauce) has wheat in it. Use a GF sauce if you need to steer clear of those amber waves of grain.

    Let's get down to business (to defeat the huns? #accidentalDisneying):

    The recipe's instructions:
    1. Brown ground beef in a large skillet. Drain. Add in onion and garlic and cook until tender, about 3 minutes. Stir in enchilada sauce and top with grated cheese. Cover and allow cheese to melt, about 3 more minutes.
    2. Top with sour cream and serve with tortilla chips.
     
    TOO EASY. NOT TASTY ENOUGH. MPA MAD! MPA SMASH PUNY RULES!
     
    Here is how I did it:
     
    1. Heat olive oil in wok. Add turkey. Break it up and season with salt, pepper, garlic powder, and cumin.
     
    2. While that is browning, prep your veg. I bought pre-diced onion so I just had the pepper. De-seed and de-rib, dice.
     
    3. Once the turkey is cooked through and browned some, drain. Leave in colander until needed.

    4. Add a smidge more oil to the wok. Toss in onion and pepper. Hold off on seasoning until they cook down. Then add some salt, pepper, garlic powder, and cumin.
                                                 

     
    5. Add beans and corn. Cook until they are warmed through.
                                             
     
    6. Add turkey and mix together. Add in enchilada sauce and cook down for 5 or so minutes, stirring occasionally. Taste and season as needed/if needed.
     
    7. Add shredded cheese and mix until melted.
    8. Add cream cheese and mix until melted and incorporated through entire dip. Then add about 1/4 cup of sour cream (this was eyeballed, using a fork because I am nothing if not a scientist) and mix.                                         

    9. Grab some chips and enjoy.

     
     
     
     
     

    Tuesday, September 15, 2015

    Discussing "Dear Fat People"

    ** Hey Friends. Apologies for my lack of posts. Some personal stuff came up and took me out of the game for a bit. But, I am back! **


    Canadian actress/comedian Nicole Arbour put out a YouTube video that is breaking the internet. Dear Fat People is her open letter to fat people in which she uses outdated, juvenile humor veiled as satire to shame and criticize fat people. Having a laugh at the expense of those who are fat is nothing new, so why is there been such an uproar about this video? People are making response videos. People of all body types. There has been an incredible amount of support for the fat community. The video and channel were flagged to YouTube and all content was taken off the channel for a few days. Some people are arguing this was a publicity stunt by Arbour (she tweeted out that she broke the internet with comedy and that satire is being censored) as everything, including Dear Fat People, has been restored and the number of views has skyrocketed.


    I have watched this video twice, once out of curiosity and once to decide how I wanted to talk about it. While I don’t agree with her point of view, I don’t agree it should be taken down when there is MUCH worse out there. That being said, I won’t link the video because I don’t feel like the video deserves the viral attention it is receiving. Later in this post, I will post Whitney Way Thore’s response which includes clips of the original.


    But let’s get back to what this video says and why it’s an issue.


    It isn’t Arbour’s use of juvenile humor that is offensive, it is her insistence that she is doing fat people a favor by telling them this and that fat shaming is non-existent. Anyone who doesn’t fit into an “ideal” size gets shit for their body at some point. Whether it is looks or comments, it happens far more than it should. Since “fat” is considered one of the worst things you can call someone due to fatphobia and increasingly unattainable body ideals, the term fat is used to shame people of all body sizes. I have friends that are thin and hour glassed shaped who have men call them “fat bitches” (or worse) when they deny advances. If fat is the go to word to demean someone or shame them for something you do not agree with/want/do/whatever, then perhaps it isn’t something fat people just made up so others would feel sorry for us. She goes on to say that fat shaming is a great idea: we (fat people) should be shamed until we have better habits. BITCH, YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE. It doesn’t matter if you start the video off by saying if someone is fat because of a medical condition this isn’t aimed at them. That is the equivalent of telling someone off by starting with “with all due respect.” You can’t tell by looking at someone if they have a medical condition or are on a medication that has caused them to gain weight. Spoiler Alert, Nicole: It’s invisible. The kid you made fun of in your video could have a condition but you still feel the need to be unnecessarily cruel to and about them. I, for one, have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) which in addition to making it 100 times harder to get pregnant and makes me grow in a full beard (watch out No Shave November office battle, I am kicking your ass this year), makes gaining weight as easy as breathing but losing it nigh impossible. Outwardly, other than the occasional five o’clock shadow, I look like everything is in fine working condition. The assumption that fat people are ticking time bombs of premature death is archaic at best. Yes, for some people there can be health complications but those same complications exist for everyone depending on their health and family history. Plus size doesn’t necessarily mean plus heart disease or plus diabetes as Arbour will happily tell you. She also likens the thought that obesity is a disease to someone being a shopaholic, and the idea of being body positive to being pro-meth use or smoking.


    The problem with fat shaming, other than the obvious, is the lasting effect it has on people. There are numerous studies that prove an approach like that doesn’t work. Pretending to care about someone’s health to shame them into losing weight often has the opposite effect. It causes depression, further body dysmorphia, and in some cases can lead to self harm or suicide. Comments, however funny they are supposed to be (like Arbour’s suggestion that the natural aroma of fat people is sausage and that Crisco comes out of our pores or that our friends should be telling us what she is), matter. It isn’t a matter of needing to acquire thicker skin or more self confidence. When you are the punch line to everyone’s joke and made to feel less than, how are you supposed to gain confidence? Isn’t fat shaming (and similar tactics) meant to bring down confidence and keep things in a mythical state of status quo? Why are people so afraid to see fatties happy?


    Fat happiness is a slap in the face to everything society tells us is correct. Much like women or poc (people of color for those who were unsure) or any other group that is seen as “lesser” being successful and strong or happy is seen as defiant. When so much time is devoted to making whole populations feel like something is wrong with them solely because of appearance, gender, race, what have you - to move past that and live life on your own terms is seen as a threat, a reason to tighten the reigns and inflict further tactics of oppression or ridicule. Fat is seen as acceptable in certain areas, as Arbour points out. She loves church going “big, black women” who can sing (...really? You had to go there?). That, to her and many others, is an acceptable type of fat. Older folks are ok too. Just about everyone else falls into the “YOU ARE A TERRIBLE HUMAN, IF I CAN EVEN CALL YOU THAT, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED. MY EYESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS” category.

    Whatever “bombs of truth” Nicole Arbour felt like she was dropping, fatties and non-fatties alike came out of the woodwork to discuss why this mentality is upsetting, unnecessary, and in some cases dangerous. Whitney Way Thore, star of the TV show My Big, Fat, Fabulous Life put out a response video as well. She was even on CNN about it. Which is phenomenal. A leap for all fat(and human)kind. Whitney also has PCOS (what up, Cyster?) and gets judged for things she can’t control. Her response:
    Preach, Boo, Preach.

    The biggest issue with Arbour's video, at least to me, isn't touched upon in Whitney's response. Nicole Arbour makes it a point to say that being fat is selfish as it takes you away from those that love you earlier than if nature took its course. If that kind of twisted guilt trip isn't enough, she ices this shit-cake with saying that she, our friends, our loved ones should be able to enjoy us as human beings. Direct quote "...enjoy you as human beings." DAFUQ?

    Her message essentially is: Fat shaming isn't real. I, and my fellow fatties, smell of sausage and sweat Crisco. Being comfortable in my own body should be frowned upon. My friends are lying to me if they aren't telling me what a hideous blubber monster I am. And to top it all off, I am not human because of my size.

    To discount my feelings to the point that I, and those like me, should feel inhuman for something like body shape/size is, honestly, fucking disgusting. This is the line of the video that I wish everyone was attacking. Forget her awful humor, terrible effects, and the fact that this a piss poor excuse for satire. People are jumping to her defense as well, agreeing with her message as if it were gospel. Those people are hearing that fat people are less than human. People who already have terrible self-esteem and depression are hearing that they are less than human. LESS THAN HUMAN. Let that sink in. No one tells you they could enjoy you as a human if you were a brunette instead of a blonde. We all deserve to be treated like we matter. All of us. Even assholes like Nicole Arbour. I have been pretty open about depression and anxiety here, and in the interest of keeping it 100% real, let me drop this bomb on you:

    Most days, I feel less than human. Not just because I am fat, my size is something I have come to terms with for the most part, even if I lapse on feeling body positive sometimes. But because I feel unworthy of existence. For a variety of reasons. There are days I wish I could stop existing. Days I pray, hope, wish to just not be. Not to actually take my life (which I have thought of before) but just to vanish. To simply not be. While I do not act on it, there are others who do. And if they feel like I do, like I have, like I am sure I will continue to, a video like Nicole Arbour's might be the thing that they interpret as a sign that proves every negative thing to cross their mind.

    This kind of trash is what pulls people into dark places they may never get out of. This is the kind of trash we need to defend our selves and our loved ones against. Because it isn't just fat people - it is just more acceptable to direct it at fat people. It is people of other races, other genders, gay people, trans people, it is everyone who has been held down because they disrupt a social "norm."

    Thursday, August 27, 2015

    Reflecting on a Rough Week

    This week has been a tough week for The Husband and I. On Saturday, our bank account got cleaned out by fraudulent activity. While our bank has been really great to work with, not having money for gas and groceries was hard. Luckily, we have great family and friends that helped us out and gave us support.

    With being exceptionally broke comes exponentially worse depression and anxiety. At a time when I should be happy (women can vote in Saudi Arabia now! Ms. Marvel won at the HUGOs!), I feel less sure of myself than usual. If you tuned in prior to my Tess Holliday post (ya know, my taking off point in terms of views and interest), you are aware that I am kind of a Debbie Downer. I second guess myself, worry over everything, think I am never enough, and constantly search for a place that feels like "home" should. With the uptick in anxiety and depression, I tend to pull back into myself and over-analyze everything that comes my way.

    Today is no different. As I posted a while ago (at least I think I did) that I pitched a few articles to XO Jane. It's been a few weeks and I still haven't heard back. Rationally, I understand they get swamped with submissions and it is possible that they haven't gotten to it yet or that silence is their way of passing (which is pretty normal in the freelance world from what I understand). I got really amped earlier in the week because Marie Claire UK is running a contest for a plus size columnist. You had to submit a sample column and Tess Holliday would be reading/picking the winner. I went back to check it yesterday to confirm I had all the rules and parameters correct and they updated the listing to limit the applications to UK residents only. This is understandable as the retail choices are different there than they are in the US. Understandable, but crushing. I felt like I somehow had a solid chance at this as the parameters for the column were not limited to fashion. It was a 6 column gig that I thought could be a great stepping stone. And it will be for whoever gets it, just not for me.

    It is a strange feeling to have a surge of confidence and have it ripped away literally in the time it takes a page on the internet to load. Being someone who is generally the polar opposite of confident, I was riding that wave like I was a pro surfer. XO Jane may have passed over me because my pitches were weak, but this was an actual article submission. My challenge here was brevity, not content. Brevity I could master. I convinced myself I could conquer the world for a day and a half. Flying higher than usual (and I can pinpoint that last time I was that confident: January 17, 2015 at approx. 9PM  EST, immediately following a panel at Arisia I was on - and crushed - about slut shaming. Although, I was probably the most confident in my life after that.), I was brainstorming ideas and planning out the column. I was thinking about how this could launch me into something more fulfilling than my current job. For a brief, shining moment everything felt ok and normal and possible. I read the edit in the rules, took the gut punch reading it gave me, and tried to push it from my mind. With terrible emotions running high, that could not be done. I have spent most of today working and looking at other publications for freelancing opportunities. Each one I click, even if it doesn't have crazy hoops to jump through, makes me take a mental step back to a place where I let self doubt wash over me and soak into my soul like some freaky form of osmosis. I have continually beat myself up for daring to hope and daring to feel like I was capable of landing such a great gig.

    Self doubt, lack of confidence/self-esteem, anything of that nature is so detrimental to the spirit. It zaps creativity, creates inner turmoil, and makes one feel less than. This made me think about how I got here. How did I arrive at a place barren of something so essential? My parents encouraged me. My family always seemed to support me (even if now I feel a bit like the black sheep). No one stood in the way of me being creative or bookish. I was always a fat kid and was teased but it wasn't that. At least not until later in my teens was that an issue. I was often the teacher's pet or close to it, with a Hermione Granger complex about grades. There were some rivals but we always engaged in light hearted one-ups-manship. Boom. There it is. The rivalries.

    I was a know it all, smug, nerd. My biggest rival was a know it all, smug, cool kid. We would argue over spelling and test scores in fifth grade. He was brilliant, and a ginger (kind of. Fun Fact: My ginger love started at 6 - he was 7 and befreckled and beautiful and perfect. It has lasted since then). Popular but not sporty. I thought I was also brilliant and while not popular or sporty or edgy decided this could be love. We got into a heated argument about spelling test scores one day. The test included the word rendezvous. There must have been a mishap where I razzed him for spelling it wrong because upon revealing his score was higher than mine he said that was the word I must have gotten wrong (PS: It wasn't. You didn't believe me then, but it wasn't that) and then proceeded to violently scream out the spelling at me - which is how I still hear it spelled in my head today. This only made me love this kid more. I was weird then, I'm weird now. But he was the one that ended up launching the cascading effect of my loss of confidence and what would be my too cool for school attitude. I was a reader. Anything I could get my paws on I devoured. So confident in my ability to read, I always volunteered to read out loud in class when it was an option. We were reading The House of Dies Drear. To this day, I remember nothing of the book except this event. I got picked to read. I started off just as sure of myself as usual but came across a word I was unsure of. Instead of stopping and asking, I attempted to soldier through. I read it, voice quivering, leaving a half hearted question mark on the end of it like I was searching for approval that I got it right. He snickered. He laughed with his friends, making fun of me in their little corner. Face hot with embarrassment, I continued on until it was someone else's turn and spent the rest of the day mortified. It was not love. Well, not for him. The adults were wrong. Teasing wasn't a sign he liked me. Teasing was just teasing. It was mean and hateful and robbed me of confidence. I stopped offering to read as much. I stopped caring about comparing grades. As I went through the rest of school, I shirked off home work and projects. I stopped reading as much. I lost the desire to commit to academics. This lead to declining grades in high school and dysfunction in college.

    What I should have learned that day was that even though I thought I knew everything I needed to know for a 10 year old, I stumbled and had to learn something new. I should have understood that people learn new things all the time and that one slip up can lead to doors opening. All I saw was doors closing. I took away from this that I would never be smart enough for what I wanted.

    Messed up, right? But in retrospect, it makes tons of sense. I tied my intellectual appeal to my general appeal - if I am smart and clever and funny they will obviously adore me. Though I understand this wasn't his way of rejecting me (he probably was unaware of said childish love), it wasn't his way of bullying me... He was smug jerk who took advantage of my fall from fifth grade grace to try to cement himself as smarter than me. Unfortunately for me, I internalized it and kicked off 20 years of overanalyzing every thing I do. I became my biggest critic and enemy that day.

    From 6th grade on, I let my feelings control how I proceeded through school. I let them shut me down and paralyze me with fear. It is probably why I changed my major so many times: I couldn't commit to one pursuit. To attempt to master something meant potential failure. Failure meant coming face to face with not being good enough. I didn't finish college. I have nothing to show for my time there. Instead, I try to proceed like a ramshackle jack of all trades. I can still be a know it all but being the master of none means I can be content, yes? No. It is another thing I look back on as another stupid mistake. Not having a degree, not pursuing and dedicating my life's work to something makes it hard to find meaning. I makes it impossible for me to feel confident in searching for career fulfillment. Every door I see ajar comes with the requirement of a degree. In fearing failure, I have in fact failed myself (and in my mind those who supported me). Lamenting on that is dangerous if you already feel so broken. Doing so makes me feel trapped, caged in a life I hadn't planned for. Living a life so different than the one I assumed I would be living at this point.

    Even when we are joking around, teasing, whatever, our words have a greater impact on those that hear them than we know. He probably doesn't remember that that exchange happened (secretly I hope he remembers the rendezvous part because that is HILARIOUS). The fact that I can pinpoint it in my mind after 20 years as where I started to fall apart is the problem. I became really jaded in middle school. I was never the best me possible, never the nicest or most understanding. It worries me that I had that kind of effect on someone inadvertently. We are so quick to defend things we say as meaning nothing but when we all bring our own unique experiences to the table, how can we be so dismissive? #deepthoughts

    TL;DR - Small things matter. Confidence is easy to lose but hard to gain.

    Monday, August 24, 2015

    CCACB: Social Media Update!

    Hello, Friends!

    I just wanted to give you guys a quick social media update.

    You can now find Cupcakes and Crossbows on Facebook: www.facebook.com/cupcakesandcrossbows

    There is also a Twitter account (@cupcakesnxbows) where blog updates are linked. The twitter also serves as a social justice platform where I can easily tweet out articles and tidbits that might not get an entire blog post dedicated to them.

    I have been thinking about an Instagram account as well but am waiting to see how #effyastandahdsbingo goes before taking that plunge. My goal, if an Insta account is created, is to post contests, social justice stuff, maybe links of stuff I make, and maybe spotlight people making waves in the world.

    I have also created a YouTube account for the blog as well. It is not up and running yet but as soon as it is, I will let you all know!

    So, here is what being on social media has done:
    -There are 105 of you awesome people who have liked the FB page. This is great! Soon, I can stop spamming my own FB page with updates!
    -The Twitter account is followed by 14 people, only 5 of which I know. MARGARET CHO (fan girling all over the place)followed me. Some tweets have been favorite by her, Chubstr, Rowan Blanchard, and Virgie Tovar (*swoon* I am DEAD) to name a few. And only one negative-ish thing has been tweeted at me (and Virgie). Not too shabby for only being live for a week!

    In non-social media related updates, I am thinking of focusing on making 2 posts a week. I don't want to define how I am going to break up subject matter yet but think committing to 2 pieces a week is a good way to make sure the blog is consistent. If there is anything you would like to see me tackle, social justice wise or craft/cooking/baking/book wise, holla at me in the comments!

    Thank you all for the support and encouragement. It is touching and humbling, and more than I ever expected.
    -MPA

    Tuesday, August 18, 2015

    Remember the Ladies: the 95th Anniversary of the 19th Amendment

    Today is an extremely special day to me. While my great aunt was born today (and is lookin' pretty good for 80), August 18th holds a space in my heart for another reason. 95 years ago, on August 18th, 1920, by a margin of 1 vote (seriously, it was 50 out of 99) Tennessee ratified the 19th Amendment. They were the 36th state out of 48 to do so, and the last state needed to ratify it before senate could vote on adding it to the constitution. The last state to ratify? Mississippi. In 1984. 31 years ago. #thanksmississippi

    For those of you unsure of just which amendment the 19th is, it goes a lil' somethin' like this:

    The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex.
     
    
    Voting is something a lot of us take for granted. High school history classes spend very little time on the women's suffrage movement. Most teens I encounter may know the name of a suffragette but generally do not know why they are important. I decided today, of all days, would be the best time to talk about suffrage, Alice Paul and the Silent Sentinels, and the ERA. And the best way to start? Describing just what the heck suffrage is:

    Suffrage, simply, is the right to vote in public, political elections. It is synonymous with franchise/political franchise.  There are many types of suffrage but I am going to focus on women's suffrage.

    Women's suffrage, as we know it in the US, emerged in the late 1840's when it was made a plank in the Liberty Party's platform. A month later, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony started what would become a 70 year fight for the right to vote at the Seneca Falls Convention. They were joined by Lucy Stone, who organized the National Women's Rights Convention in 1850 (in scenic Worcester, MA), and the three became the voice of the movement through the 19th century. They won some earlier victories in the west, Wyoming territory was the first to approve a law granting women to vote. They were followed by Utah (only after women exercised voting rights to keep polygamy), Idaho, and Colorado.

    The early part of the 20th century brought victories in both the US and Great Britain. Neither fight was won easily or neatly. The movement across the pond was violent and militant, with women putting themselves in danger to get the point across. Alice Paul, later leader of the National Women's Party in the US, was in GB for part of their women's suffrage movement and learned much about suffrage while there. She was arrested numerous times and while on a hunger strike in prison was force fed in a manor which actually harmed her body and was so weak she was carried out of the prison at the end of her sentence.

    The only example we readily have available to us as children, where women's suffrage is a BIG DEAL (which it rightfully should be) is Mary Poppins and, naturally, it gives a glimpse into what it was like in Great Britain. While campy, because most female focused things are spun that way - especially at this time-, it does point out 2 important things: 1). That women were doing things like chaining themselves to carriages for the sake of the movement, and 2). Women's suffrage was something that women of all walks of life rooted for.  Here, Mrs. Banks let's us know what was up at the last suffragette gathering:
    See? Campy AF. Everyone knows all women do is sing and dance.
    
     
    When Alice returned to the US in 1910, she came home to recover and to make a plan for women's suffrage at home. Let's just say that she, and her comrades, nail it.
     
    In 1913, Paul was working with the National American Woman Suffrage Association and organized a suffrage parade the day before President Wilson's inauguration where half a million people were in attendance. That is a whole lot for back then and the police presence was not enough to keep the crowd back. They pushed forward to the point the women marching couldn't get through and the national guard of 2 states were called in. A college group also helped form a barrier so they could march through. Soon after, NAWSA and Paul cut ties. they focused more on lobbying and felt she was too aggressive.

    By 1916, she had the National Woman's Party up and running. the party was working on a constitutional amendment to allow women the right to vote. Paul and the party campaigned against President Wilson's refusal, as well as other democrats (betcha weren't expecting that)  refusals of the amendment. In January 1917, they were silently picketing the White House in a campaign of civil disobedience. Their non-violent protesting was often met with violence, especially after the start or World War I. It was not abnormal for men to come up to them and assault them while they continued their silent picketing. Paul and the "Silent Sentinels" (Lucy burns, Dora Lewis, and Alice Cosu to name a few) continued to hold their banners day in and day out, but by June of that year they started getting arrested for obstructing traffic. In one month, 30 women were arrested, and given the option of jail or paying a fine. The charges were dropped on two, but the rest chose jail. They were later pardoned.

    Most of these women were brought to the same "workhouse" where the conditions were disgusting. There was a single bar of soap they were all to share. The food was sour and often not edible as worms were often found in it. The clothing they were given was dirty. Other inmates that were known to have Syphilis were housed in the same cells as them. Those in charge also moved African American sex workers into their wing in hopes of making them feel humiliated.
    While I disagree with the racism of today as well as then, I think it says a lot that these men felt bringing sex workers in would knock these women down a peg. That their crimes were on equal footing.

    It wasn't long before they were back in, Alice Paul included. Paul was placed in solitary confinement and given bread and milk. She became extremely weak. Unable to walk, Paul was taken to the infirmary where she began her hunger strike. Many of the others followed. Those that went on the hunger strike were force fed by tubes in their throats mixtures like raw eggs and milk in an attempt to force protein into them. Many couldn't handle the mixture and would only end up throwing it back up. But their solidarity and their spirit was and still is inspiring. They made themselves sick, they purposefully endured terrible and sometimes terrifying conditions so I would have the right to NOT put an x or line or check mark next to Donald Trump's name. They went through "The Night of Terror" where the warden ordered almost 40 guards to beat the 33 suffragettes that had returned to jail, 33 women ranging in age to 73. Burns was beaten and her hands chained above her head, left that way all night. Lewis was thrown into her cell, her head was smashed against iron, knocking her out. Her roommate, Alice Cosu thought she was dead...leading to a heart attack. They were grabbed, beaten, chocked, dragged, kicked... because they would not give up. Because the idea of women being on equal footing as men terrifies them. Because we should not disturb the status quo.

    I have two back to back clips from Iron Jawed Angels below because the words I have above are often not enough. The cast of this movie brought these women and their work to life in a way that I will never be able to. Yes, I cry every time I watch it. No, I did not include  "the" force feeding scene. These clips follow the women from the war announcement to jail. There is violence in the second clip.

     
     
    


     A much more light hearted look at Paul and the Silent Sentinels, as well as suffrage is this:
     
    Not only is this video fun, it is extremely accurate. The straight jacket and force feeding imagery is there. They are always silent in front of the White House until they are arrested. The signs used were actual quotes they picketed with. There was a tremendous amount of anti-vote propaganda that used women. When it comes to the men voting, they identified which side you were on by which color you wore, yellow or red. The actual swing vote that won the ratification was cast by a junior congressman and the note in his jacket in the video was one his mother gave him that day. (And, yes, I cry when I watch this too. At the very least, I get choked up) This is something I have used to teach suffrage to teens and find it is one of the best ways to do it.
     
     
    Obviously, we can vote now. Which is great. But it isn't where Alice Paul's work ended. She did work in the civil rights movement as well as co-wrote the ERA. The ERA (Equal Rights Amendment) has not been passed. It was introduced to Congress in 1923. It reads:
     
    Section 1. Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex.
    Section 2. The Congress shall have the power to enforce, by appropriate legislation, the provisions of this article.
    Section 3. This amendment shall take effect two years after the date of ratification.
     
     
    This has still not passed. The last time we were close, women decided to fight each other over it with a large conservative base using the defense of traditional gender roles as a reason to defeat the ERA. 38 states were needed to ratify this and only 35 did in both houses, 5 of those state rescinded. 9 states have approval in only one house of Congress.
     
     
    It is 2015. This is the USA. And this has yet to pass. Why did the women before us for so hard for other women if we can't be bothered to band together and get this passed? Why did they bother to make a better path for us if we won't continue to clear for those after us?
     
    
    Bae, I mean Alice Paul
    
    

    Saturday, August 15, 2015

    Sir, I Need You to Stop with the TanTRUMPS


    **Author’s note- I did a lot of research on this. I used credible news sources for everything and cross referenced articles. This is a long post. Very long. So, grab a drink and a snack. Buckle up. This shit is about to get REAL.**


    Last week, 24 million viewers tuned into the Republican debate. One of the candidates being grilled was Donald Trump. Trump is known for being a smug son of bitch and he did not let his reputation down at the debate or in the week that has followed. He even made it a point to say that the other candidates should be thankful he was there - If he hadn’t been there would only have been two million viewers. Pompous? You betcha. Surprising? Not at all. Truthful? I don’t know. I would like to think where there are so many candidates vying for the Republican party's nod for President, there would be more than 2 million viewers. I am a liberal feminist douche bag, what would I know?


    Fox News correspondent Megyn Kelly was one of the three moderators for the debates and the only female involved for the main debate (the secondary debate had a female candidate). While I may not agree with Kelly’s views on many things, I do respect someone who does not shy away from hard hitting questions. In all of her glory, and holy shit was it glorious, she asked Trump the question I was dying to have someone ask him:

    MK- “You’ve called women you don’t like fat pigs, slobs, and disgusting animals. Your Twitter account has several--”
    Here, in his infinite brilliance (please read the sarcasm), Trump raises a finger in the air to interrupt her.
    DT- “Only Rosie O’Donnell.” Because, ya know, that makes it ok? Don’t fret! We’ll discuss Rosie in a bit, friends.
    MK- “Your Twitter account has several disparaging comments about women’s looks. You once told a contestant on Celebrity Apprentice it would be a pretty picture to see her on her knees. Does that sound to you like the temperament of a man we should elect president, and how will you answer the charge from Hillary Clinton, who is likely to be the Democratic nominee, that you are part of the war on women?”

    Let’s have a moment of silence to take that in.

    Fucking beautiful, amirite?

    This question has since been called inappropriate by Trump and his supporters. When a very public figure goes on tv, radio, and the internet to say terrible things about anyone they have to expect to be called out on it. If it was a private conversation, that is one thing. Once it is out in public it is fair play. Kelly makes a very valid point while not condemning him for his actions. She doesn't say “why are you acting like a dick to women?” She takes the high road here and asks how he will defend what he has done and said when it is attacked by the person potentially running against him. Well done, madam. You know, I too am wondering the same thing. Let’s look at his response:

    DT: "I think the big problem this country has is being politically correct. I've been challenged by so many people, and I don't frankly have time for total political correctness. And to be honest with you, this country doesn't have time either. This country is in big trouble. We don't win anymore. We lose to China. We lose to Mexico both in trade and at the border. We lose to everybody."

    He continues with- "And frankly, what I say, and oftentimes it's fun, it's kidding. We have a good time. What I say is what I say. And honestly Megyn, if you don't like it, I'm sorry. I've been very nice to you, although I could probably maybe not be, based on the way you have treated me. But I wouldn't do that."

    First, he deflects the question. BUT WHY END THERE? While she had the journalistic integrity to leave her personal feelings about him and his actions aside and ask an on point question, Trump turns on her. He defends his actions as fun and kidding, when in reality he attacks women who disagree with him. The cherry here is not that he defends himself. The cherry, my friends, is that thinly veiled threat at the end: I've been very nice to you, although I could probably maybe not be, based on the way you have treated me. But I wouldn't do that. Those two sentences are filled with more organic, free-range, hormone free bovine excrement than you can find on all the farms in the US combined.

    Some of you may be scratching your heads and asking how that is a threat. Look at this man’s track record (or continue reading for more of his ridiculousness). Seriously. Have a few hours free this weekend? Read his twitter. Google his name. It is nauseating. For the purpose of quick explanation: he is seen as a very powerful man who has many people in his pocket, including her boss, millions of followers that I can only assume are under the Imperius curse (NERD ALERT)-many of which hold the same anti-female views as him and are not afraid to bully people online under a false sense of anonymity. In articles written since the debate, psychologists have pointed this out as a threat and have discussed how this, and other cases of his, match typical bully behavior. The man is a textbook case to study. It is fascinating and disturbing. This case doesn’t end here, though. I promise. It actually gets worse.

    Not only did he call into question her ability to do her job or be professional (which, to be fair, he also pointed out the other two moderators “were not very good or professional” as well but pointed out she was the worst) and call her a bimbo, he claims he has never said the things she quoted and would have someone look into it. Naturally, he couldn’t end this fiasco without letting more woman-hating vitriol drip out of his gaping maw.
    The night after the debate, while being interviewed by CNN’s Don Lemon, Trump bestows this jewel upon us: “You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes. Blood coming out of her wherever.” Because women are only opinionated and slam dunk questions at debates when we are on our periods. Thanks, bro. Wait. You didn’t mean it like that? Only a deviant would think that your comment was about her menstrual cycle? Are you sure, sir? Didn’t you refer to the economy as having contractions like a pregnant woman? Then use some wording that made it sound like a miscarriage? No? Not you? Was it a different Donald Trump that said that on Howard Stern’s show? It must be a common name.

    And while on the topic of Stern, Howard in his chaotic neutral way (NERD ALERT) notified Trump of an interview Kelly did 5 years ago where they discussed her breasts and sex life with her husband on the show. OUTRAGE! HOW CAN SHE CALL INTO ACCOUNT YOUR BLATANT WOMAN HATING IF SHE TALKED ABOUT THIS ON THE AIR?!?

    From what I was able to find, Kelly did the show once. Trump has been on many, many times. He deflects or vaguely answers political questions but is very much into Stern's raunchier questions. If you are going on his show, you have to expect to get questions of a more lascivious nature.While she shared personal stories, Trump almost always bashes others and brags about his life. Here are some examples of the differences in how they conducted themselves on Stern's show:

    Megyn Kelly
    * "We used to call them 'Killer B's' then when I got pregnant they became 'Swimmin' C's' and Doug (her husband) was frolicking in the ocean."
    * "I reject the hypotheticals. There's no issues there. I've never had to choose. Let's put it that way." (when asked if she would have married her husband if his penis was small)
    * She also talked about having sex with her husband into her third trimester.

    Donald Trump
    * Plays Hot or Not with Stern, judging women's bodies: Jessica Chastain? "Certainly not hot." Halle Berry? "Beautiful. But only her upper body." J-Law? "Has a little skin problem. A little rough with the skin. I don't quite get it. Little polka-dots all over the place." J-Lo? "I really like J-Lo, but that ass is... (Stern pipes up with "scary!")" Kim Kardashian West (who was once on Celebrity Apprentice)? "Does she have a good body? No. Does she have a fat ass? Absolutely. It's record setting. In the old days, they'd say she's got a bad body." Then in a second interview she came up in: She's got a huge trunk. It's seriously big." Keria Knightly and Paris Hilton make the grade, but he had to point out that he watched Hilton's sex tape.
    *He compares women to beauty queens, pointing out they are not noticeable if one is around.
    *My personal favorite? "We've got to cure AIDs so then we can go back to not wearing rubbers. Those were the good old days."

    On Stern's show, Trump has discussed his conquests with Stern and has used language far more lewd than Kelly but there was no backlash for him. Once her interview got brought up by Trump, his supporters went nuts. A prime example are the Shoebats from shoebat.com:

    "She laughs and is okay with Stern discussing penises, breasts, in a very trashy nonchalant way (1)." They insinuate that for her claim to favor women's rights when questioning Trump's treatment is hypocritical and that she owes women an apology and that Trump owes her no apology (2). "Apologize and Let's all move on." And the piece de resistance, the magnum opus of this drivel: "What man would allow his daughter or wife to get on some public adult radio and have a sleaze bucket talk sex with them? This is not a private matter. Kelly made this public (3)."

    1. Kelly's wording was light hearted and cheeky.
    2. Bahahahahahahahaha. Yes. I forgot, and clearly so did she that women aren't allowed to be sexual beings unless we want to be called names and looked down on. But dudes? Hit it. Quit it. Be seen as the king of the world. So, Megyn should apologize to all women for one of the classier Stern interviews I've seen transcribed and Trump owes her no apology for the tantrum (and ensuing shit storm that followed) because....he has a dick (which I can neither confirm nor deny).
    3. THIS IS 2015. 2. 0. 1. 5. WOMEN ARE STILL POSSESSIONS  THAT SHOULD BE CONTROLLED BY OUR DADDIES AND HUSBANDS IF WE SHOULD BE SO LUCKY TO HAVE ONE. WE DON'T NEED FEMINISM. NOPE. EVERYTHING IS SO MUCH BETTER.

    Dear Shoebats,
    Fuck off.
    Love,
    Women everywhere


    Possibly the saddest part in the Kelly/Trump ordeal is not the things he has said about her or the blatant double standard. The saddest part, and one of the most troublesome for me, is how this was handled by Fox News and their Chairman Roger Ailes. Ailes has mentored Kelly, seeing her as a touchstone for younger viewership. Once Trump's flaming bag of shit was left on Kelly's proverbial doorstep, Ailes made a terrifying decision: Fox News did not back their anchor. Out of fear (I assume fueled by the Trump/Graham incident as well as the amount of emails from pro-trump viewers) , their PR team did nothing. Ailes did nothing but grovel at Trump's feet in an effort to get back in his good graces. He followed ratings and let fear be his guide at the cost of his employee, even as much of the Fox audience turned on her. He commented he was "extremely proud of all the moderators" at the debate but left it there. The Monday morning following the debate, Ailes reached out to Trump and in an effort to smooth things over offered the candidate a chance to go head to head with the woman he threatened on her show. What were you thinking, Ailes? Does one of your news stars mean so little that you would sacrifice her comfort, credibility, and possibly her emotional well being after this hoopla? Apparently. Trump declined. Ailes offered other shows until they reached an agreement. But Trump didn't call of his war on Kelly. He reportedly called multiple times after this to tweet out that they had come to a resolution. Trump refused but finally deigned to send said tweet:

    Ailes issued a statement about it as well, once the tweet was out: "We had a blunt but cordial conversation and the air has been cleared." He did, at some point add the Kelly is a brilliant journalist. But we couldn't point that out until the Trump returned, could we? We couldn't point this out or stand behind Kelly when she reported that she was receiving death threats over this. We couldn't do it when men started bashing her on social media either. Nope.

    Two SHINING examples
    
    Only when the men came to their gentleman's agreement could we point out that she is good at her job. Make waves, girl, and you will drown is the clear message here.

    Kelly, has since announced she is taking a vacation. While she denies it is related to this, do you blame her? She is receiving death threats and (if I know anything about the internet) I would be willing to bet she is getting rape threats that extend to her family as well. What is her response in all of this? Staying classy AF:

    "I’ve decided not to respond [to those comments]. Mr. Trump is an interesting man who has captured the attention of the electorate. That’s why he’s leading in the polls. Trump, who is the front-runner, will not apologize, and I certainly will not apologize for doing good journalism. So I’ll continue doing my job without fear or favor. And Mr. Trump, I expect, will continue with what has been a successful campaign thus far.”

    “This is a tough business, and it’s time now to move forward. And now, let’s get back to the news.”

    Drop the mic, girl.
    

    So, this is an isolated incident, right? The leader of the Republican polls, the guy who got the most on air time in the debate can't be like this all the time...Right? WRONG.

    Trump v. O'Donnell
    In 2006, Rosie O'Donnell called Trump out for his defending of then Miss USA Tara Conner (age at the time: 20). Conner was to be de-crowned for underage drinking, being found "lustily" kissing Miss Teen USA (at the time, age 18) and testing positive for cocaine, heroin, and crystal meth. Trump, reaching into the sub-cockles of his frigid heart decided not to de-crown her, citing that he had had family members addicted to drugs before and that people need second chances. Well, Trump, I guess we have something in common. And while I love those family members dearly and agree they need all the chances they can get, they weren't beauty queens under contract. She should have been de-crowned. Trump goes off the hook over this:

    “Rosie O’Donnell is disgusting—both inside and out. If you take a look at her, she’s a slob. How does she even get on television?... If I were running The View, I’d fire Rosie. I’d look her right in that fat, ugly face of hers and say, ‘Rosie, you’re fired.’ We’re all a little chubby but Rosie’s just worse than most of us. But it’s not the chubbiness—Rosie is a very unattractive person, both inside and out. Rosie’s a person that’s very lucky to have her girlfriend and better be careful or I’ll send one of my friends over to pick up her girlfriend. Why would she stay with Rosie if she had another choice?”

    He has been cited calling her "disgusting pig", "untalented", "less than average", "big, fat pig", and "my nice, fat, little Rosie."

    Trump v. Huffington
    In 2012, Trump tweets:

    When asked why?
    Mature.


    Trump v. Hathaway
    The year was 2008. Hathaway is divorcing then husband and Trump Tower resident who is being indicted for fraud. Trump gives us this beaut:

    “She hasn’t remained very loyal to him, has she? So when he had plenty of money, she liked him, but then after that, not as good, right?”

    In the words of Kanye: I ain't say she a gold digga, but...? (except you are)

    Trump v. Collins
    In a 2011 NY Times op-ed, Gail Collins referred to Trump as "a financially embattled thousandaire.". Sick burn, boo. Trump countered by sending her a copy of the column, which has a head-shot of her on it. The copy so sweetly had her face circled and "The Face of a Dog!" written on it.

    Trump v. Stewart
    He feels the need to comment on Kristin Stewart's break-up with Robert Pattinson in 2012:
    #TeamEdward
    Trump v. Jolie
    Some background on Angelina Jolie's parents is needed for this one. It's quite simple: her father, actor Jon Voight, cheated on her mother and is why she divorced him in 1978. Voight and Jolie have a rocky relationship and I would assume this has a lot to do with it. Pointing out Voight's infidelity is important because defending men who cheat while degrading women who cheat (like the tweet above) is a reoccurring theme of Trump's.

    In a 2006 interview on CNN's Larry King Live, Trump weighed in on the fractured relationship these two have.

    "I think he's a great actor and she just treats him terribly. She's been with so many guys she makes me look like a baby, OK, with the other side. And, I just don't even find her attractive. That has nothing to do with why I said it though."

    Not only did he feel the need to weigh in on another family's relationship, he tried to invalidate her by bringing up her sexual history and that he doesn't find her attractive. Which is HILARIOUS because in the same year, while on The View, he thought it would be totally rad to discuss his daughter Ivanka:

    "I don't think Ivanka would do [Playboy], although she does have a very nice figure. I've said if Ivanka weren't my daughter, perhaps I'd be dating her."

    That comment was totes acceptable though. *shudder*

    Trump v. Trump (Ivana)
    1977 was a big year for Ivana Zelnickova. She married one Donald Trump. They had 3 babes. Sunshine, rainbows, white picket fences, and a house in suburbia, right? NOPE.COM

    Apparently by the late '80s, his eyes wandered to an actress/ex-Miss Hawaiian Tropic. The rest of him followed quickly, cheating on Ivana, secretly canoodling with this lady - Hold on to your seats, y'all - during church services as it was a convenient way to ditch his family and take this broad to pound town. The affair continued until '89 when the family was on vacation in Aspen for Christmas. Trump was seen with someone similar in shape and hair color to Ivana, but it was not her. Reportedly, it was the church mistress. This ordeal lead to the Trumps arguing out on the slopes.

    Anyone who followed the split can tell you it was messy. The Chicago Tribune ran an article that gave readers a shocking glimpse of just what Mr. Trump was up to:

    "First he briefly locked his wife, whom he used to refer to as 'my twin as a woman' out of her office at his Plaza Hotel, then he compared her to Leona Helmsley, a woman he called 'a truly evil human being.' Maybe it's a good thing they both hired -not divorce attorneys-but criminal attorneys to fight for their right to unparty."

    Around this time (in 1991), Trump was quoted in Esquire saying:

    "You know, it doesn't matter what [the media] write as long as you've got a young and beautiful piece of [Expletive]." Whatta guy.

    In 1993, it was revealed in a book about Trump by Harry Hurt III (Lost Tycoon: The Many Lives of Donald J. Trump) that Trump violently assaulted and then raped Ivana after he went to a plastic surgeon to have a scalp reduction surgery...to deal with a bald spot. It was quite painful and he was displeased with the result. Ivana had recommended the doctor. This naturally meant the blame was on her. Trump held her hands behind her back, ripped hair out of her head, ripped her clothing off, unzipped and was read to go. He raped her, a term she very rarely used when talking about the situation. This was the first time they had any kind of sex (can you even call it that? ugh.) in 16 months.

    Donald always denied this ever happened. Ivana, after the divorce and dust settled, started to recant. Rape is consistently defended. If a woman is raped, she is to blame. She is not a victim in our society. Boys will be boys is an acceptable excuse rape, even if there was little more skin showing than an ankle. If a man s raped , he is ridiculed and often given the impression that he should be thankful someone was "interested." Now, if your rapist is your husband of all people, who is really going to believe or side with you given you twisted sense of victim shaming? I am wouldn't be surprised if he threatened the hell out of her too.  If you are going to threaten Kelly over that question, this is far more inflammatory.

    Trump v. Allred and Talackova
    Jenna Talackova was disqualified from competing in a Miss Universe pageant because she was not a "naturally-born" woman (she is a transwoman). In 2012, Gloria Allred held a news conference regarding the matter. It did not matter that all of her identification, including her birth certificate, state that she is a woman. Allred pointed out Jenna never asked Trump to prove he was naturally-born a man, citing it did not matter to Jenna so why should it matter to him. The attorney also pointed out that Jenna did not ask to see Trump's penis, which makes this obsession with her genitals unfair. Unfair and unacceptable (my words there, not hers). Trump acknowledged this by calling into TMZ and saying, "I think Gloria would be very impressed with [my penis]."

    Trump's Treatment of Pageant Contestants
    A former Miss USA contestant released a memoir in 2009 where she discussed what is known as "The Trump Rule."Carrie Prejean explains what the girls are asked to participate in Trump's private game of Hot or Not prior to the Pageant. This flaunting in front of THE PAGEANT OWNER is degrading. She writes:

    "Many of the girls found this exercise humiliating. Some of the girls were sobbing backstage after [Trump] left, devastated to have failed even before the competition really began...even those of us who were among the chosen couldn't feel very good about it-it was as though we had been stripped bare."

    Trump v. Beck
    While under questioning in 2011 Trump lost his mind when lawyer Elizabeth Beck asked to take a break after lengthy deposition to pump breast milk for her baby. Beck explained it was urgent and took out her pump in effort to show urgency. Beck did not use it in front of the others in the room or gesture with it.  Trump's response was "You're disgusting" and he walked out of the room, ending the session. He told Beck's husband she was uptight as well as disgusting. During his testimony, he insulted and challenged her with remarks like "Do you even know what you are doing?" and noting her questions were "very stupid."

    Trump's lawyer commented, never denying his client's behavior but trying to twist Beck's actions, calling her behavior bizarre and suggesting she was trying to stall and think of more questions.

    Trump on Schwarzenegger's Maid and His Own Home Life
    "It was hard to believe. I figured this woman with a little black dress...and I said, 'Well, I guess a thing like that could happen. And then I got to see the maid like everyone else, and I was a little surprised." He goes on to complain about his hired help because his wife hand picks what he feels are unattractive women. "They're not tens, I can tell you that. I've been very domesticated. It's a sad event." 

    Trump on The Apprentice
    "All the women on The Apprentice flirted with me-consciously and unconsciously. That's to be expected. The early victories by women on The Apprentice were to  very large extent dependent on their sex appeal. I believe we're all equal except women still have to try harder and they know it. They will do what they have to do to get the job done and will not necessarily be demure about it."
    -Donald Trump, 2004's book: Trump: How to Get Rich.

    Contestants have come forward to say much of the boardroom discussions were based on the looks of female contestants, even to the degree of asking the male contestants to rate the female contestants. Trump had a female contestant walk around the table in the room and twirl for him.

    If that wasn't enough, there was the episode of Celebrity Apprentice where Brett Michaels was referring to a female teammate begging to be kept, to the point she got on her knees to continue begging. Trump, not missing a beat:

    "Excuse me, you dropped to your knees?" The contestant, Brande Roderick replies, "yes." "It must be a pretty picture - you dropping to your knees." THE DEFINITION OF SEXUAL HARRASSMENT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.


    Trump v. The World By Way of Internet  
    Let's take a peek at how this POTUS hopeful spends his time on the internet.

    Trump has a terrible habit of retweeting inappropriate things about those he is and may be running against:

    Don't forget to slam that musical artist that used your name for a song:

    Or to bitch about Obama:


    How about some truly ridiculous bullshit about other countries? Or immigration? Trump has it for DAYS:






    How about a potpourri of douche baggery? Trump is your man:




    So what is the world doing about this? Other than some news outlets and writers brave enough to publish articles or call him out on tv/radio about this, mostly nothing. Many people are convinced the debate debacle was truly an isolated incident. People need to become more educated on a candidate's past before blindly following them into 4 years or Presidency.There are some that are taking the fight to the internet in a (mostly) lighthearted way.

    #periodsarenotinsults is a brilliant twitter campaign where women live tweet their periods at the Trump. If they are going to bleed from their "wherevers" they might was well get to gross out Trump:



    Those with pets and who are a little less confrontational can choose to "Trump" your pet. 


    Step 1: Brush your pet.
    Step 2: Clean the fur out of the brush.
    Step 3: Form hair into a terrible toupee.
    Step 4: Place on your pet's head and take a picture AS FAST AS YOU CAN if they are anything like my cats. 
    Step 5: Post to internet with #trumpyourcat or #trumpyourdog

    My babies!

    Kidding aside, if nothing else - I hope your take from this a better understanding of why we need to actively participate in our elections instead of following the hive mentality. We can not afford to elect someone who will condemn more than half of our population. Get facts. Spread the word. Rise up. Make your voice be heard.